THE STORY

Do you know the story of the blind men and the elephant? If you don’t (or to refresh your memory, in case it’s been awhile), here’s the story:

Six blind men touch an elephant in order to learn what it’s like. They each touch a different part of the elephant and draw different conclusions.

• The first man touches the elephant’s side and concludes that an elephant is like a wall.
• The second one touches a tusk and concludes that an elephant is like a spear.
• The third touches the trunk and concludes that an elephant is like a snake.
• The fourth touches a leg and concludes that an elephant is like a tree.
• The fifth touches an ear and concludes that an elephant is like a fan.
• The sixth touches the tail and concludes that an elephant is like a rope.

Understandably, disagreements ensue.

THE TAKE-AWAY

This story has been interpreted in different ways (which seems fitting, given the subject matter), but here’s what I think is the central message:

Everyone is right from his or her own point of view, but everyone’s point of view is limited and incomplete.

It’s a lesson in humility—a reminder that no single person can see the whole picture. It also cautions us against making universal generalizations based on our limited experience. And it drives home the fact that other people’s perceptions and experiences can be completely valid, even if they’re very different from our own.

The key is how you choose to see those differences.

• You can see them as threatening—challenges to your absolute and total rightness.
• You can see them as enlightening—ways to learn about ideas, perspectives, and events that you wouldn’t necessarily experience first-hand.
• You can also see them as options—possibilities that you may or may not explore at some point in your life.

Although it’s easy to fall into the first reaction (feeling threatened), when you can see differences as teachers or possibilities, your world expands.

Moving from “no but” to “yes and”

Like an elephant, the world is bigger than any single viewpoint or description can encompass. So, to approach a fuller understanding of reality, we have to become more inclusive of seemingly opposing viewpoints. We have to move from a “no-but” mentality to a “yes-and” mentality.

The dispute with the blind men (like so many others) could have been avoided by simply changing the words “no but” to “yes and.”

Consider the difference: “No, you’re wrong—an elephant is not like a rope, but it is like a fan!” vs. “Yes, an elephant is like a rope, and it’s also like a fan.” The first approach arrogantly assumes that you possess the entire truth and that anything not aligned with your perspective is thereby false, whereas the second approach humbly concedes that other people’s viewpoints can be valid without dismissing or invalidating your own.

The Elephant in the Room

So, the next time you encounter a person whose perspective is very different from your own, instead of giving in to the knee-jerk temptation to dismiss or criticize them, consider that they may be offering you a very valuable piece of life’s puzzle. They’re also presenting you with an option—a viewpoint that you can choose to explore or not, but at least you’re now aware of. At the very least, a differing perspective can serve as a reminder that life is bigger, more varied, and more amazing than you’d previously realized.

What a wonderful gift that is!

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When have you encountered someone whose viewpoint was extremely different—possibly even at odds with your own? Is there a chance that their belief might be just as valid (from their point of view) as yours? Even if you continue to see things differently, what is something that you can learn from their viewpoint? I’d love to hear YOUR  point of view about this story and subject!

(elephant photo by Roy Costello)

My previous post was about the importance of making a plan and following through with it.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Making a plan is one thing; sticking to it is quite another. So, here are 4 tips to help you follow through:

Be S.M.A.R.T.

Rather than making your plans and goals vague, make them specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timed. (For example, compare “Get healthy” vs. “Lose 25 pounds in 6 months.”)

Get an Accountability Partner

Your odds of following through increase tremendously when you have even one person who knows about your plan and will hold you accountable for it. Checking in regularly—weekly or even daily—can be a great motivator to stick with your plan (or at least be honest with yourself and your partner if you fall off the wagon—and then get back on!).

Have a “Plan A,” but be flexible.

Circumstances change. Things come up unexpectedly. Once you’ve started, you may find that your initial plan was unrealistic—too ambitious or too stressful to stick with.

When you encounter unexpected obstacles, detours, or setbacks, don’t give up. But also don’t feel you have to doggedly follow your initial plan to the letter.

If your best-laid plans go awry, follow these 3 R’s:

• Re-evaluate.
• Revise your plan.
• Renew your commitment to “Plan B” (or C or D or E…).

Love Yourself Unconditionally

OK, go ahead—roll your eyes and smirk at me for getting mushy all of a sudden. I can take it. But I mean this seriously, especially with regard to plans and goals.

So often, we beat ourselves up for not being where we want to be: We should be thinner, richer, more accomplished, etc., etc., etc. And sometimes this self-flagellation does serve to motivate us to action. But more often than not, it just makes us feel like crap! And it perpetuates the self-defeating thoughts and poor self-image that probably contributed to the perceived “problem” in the first place!

Whether or not self-loathing can ever inspire positive action, wouldn’t it feel better to be OK with yourself as you are, wherever you are—and then also feel good about yourself when you reach your goal (and every step along the way)? What’s the point of making plans or reaching any goal if you’re miserable the whole time? Wouldn’t it feel better to feel better?

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I hope that these tips help you turn your dreams into reality! Do you have any other tips for following through with your plans? I’d love to hear what has (or hasn’t) worked for you.

 photo © Vladacanon | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

Meet Andy and Bob.

Andy and Bob both want to lose weight.

If you ask Andy about his weight-loss plan, he’ll tell you: “I want to be healthy enough to play ball with my kids, so I plan on losing twenty-five pounds in the next six months. To do this, I’m going to eat smaller, healthier meals and exercise regularly. I just joined a gym, where I’m going to work out twice a week with a personal trainer. I’m also walking once a week with a friend who also wants to lose weight. I’m starting today, and I’ll do whatever it takes to reach my goal.”

Ask Bob how he plans on losing weight, and he’ll tell you: “I don’t have a plan. Haven’t you ever heard the saying, ‘If you want to make God laugh, make a plan!’? I’ll just trust that if I’m supposed to lose the weight, I’ll lose the weight.”

If you had to put money on Andy or Bob, which one would you bet will lose weight?

(Me too.)

Now, losing 25 pounds may not be your dream. Maybe you want to write a critically acclaimed novel or sell your paintings in a gallery or raise a million dollars for charity. Regardless of your specific goals, however, having (and implementing) a plan will greatly increase the odds that your dream will come true.

You probably know that it’s helpful to mak a plan, but how can you do it effectively? Here are the three steps of planning that I consider most important:

The 3 Steps of Planning

1. See Your Dream

Have you heard people say, “Begin with the end in mind”? This is absolutely critical. If you don’t know where you want to end up, how on earth do expect to get there? The more specifics you can envision, the more likely you’ll be to realize your dream.

It also helps to know why you want to realize it!

Think of our friend Andy: He doesn’t just want to lose “some weight”—he wants to lose 25 pounds in 6 months. And he has a good reason: to be healthy enough to play with his kids.

2. Reverse-Engineer Your Dream

Work backwards, step by step, from the end to where you are now. Ask yourself: “For my dream to come true, what would have to happen? And what would I have to do in order for that to happen?” And so forth, until you figure out what you would have to do now to make the next step happen. Create a realistic schedule for doing each step along the way, and commit to it!

3. Take Action

Once you’ve reverse-engineered yourself back to the present—and figured out what action you’d have to take to get to the next step—do it! So often dreams remain merely dreams, and plans remain merely plans. (That’s probably why plans get such a bad rap—and also why the term “dreamer” is so often used pejoratively.)

Go Ahead—Make God Laugh!

When people say, “If you want to make God laugh, make a plan,” what I suspect they really mean is, “If you want to make God laugh, make a plan and then expect it to work out exactly the way you imagined it every step of the way, right down to the tiniest detail.”

Yes, this would be a laughably unrealistic expectation. However, this doesn’t mean that making plans is stupid or useless. On the contrary, plans are what separates “pipe dreams” from dreams that actually come true! Plans bridge the gap from “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” to “Won’t it be nice when…”!

Sure, sometimes people may stumble blindly into their dreams. But do you honestly believe that you have a better chance of achieving your most cherished dreams without making a plan?

Now that would really make God laugh!

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Do you have any plans you’d like to commit to? Any stories of success (or struggles) with past plans? I’d love to hear anything you’d like to share.

Ready for the next step? See my post, 4 Tips for Following Through with Your Plans.

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(photo by Supersport)

THE JOKE

A guy walks into a five-star French restaurant…

He sits down,  reads the menu, and orders a meal—but when his food arrives, he doesn’t even touch it. After awhile, the waiter comes over and says, “Monsieur, is there a problem with the food?”

And the guy says, “Yeah, it tastes terrible.”

The waiter looks at the guy, looks at his untouched plate of food, and says, “But, monsieur, you haven’t even tried a bite.”

“Don’t argue with me,” the guy says. “I know my own taste buds. But don’t worry—I’ll still pay.” So he pays the bill and walks out.

Then he goes down the street and walks into a Mexican restaurant that all his friends have been raving about.

Again, he sits down,  reads the menu, and orders a meal—but, again, when his food arrives, he doesn’t even touch it. So, after awhile, the waiter comes over and says, “Señor, is there a problem with the food?”

And the guy says, “Yeah, it’s not filling me up.”

The waiter looks at the guy, looks at the untouched food, and says, “But, señor, you haven’t even tried a bite.”

“Don’t argue with me,” the guy says. “I know my own stomach. But don’t worry—I’ll still pay.” So he pays the bill and walks out.

Then he goes down the street and into a health-food restaurant that got a great write-up in the local paper.

Again, he sits down,  reads the menu, and orders a meal—and, again, when his food arrives, he doesn’t even touch it. After awhile, the waiter comes over and says, “Excuse me, sir, is there a problem with the food?”

And the guy says, “Yeah, it’s not making me any healthier.”

The waiter looks at the guy, at his untouched food, and says, “But, sir, you haven’t even taken a bite.”

“Don’t argue with me,” the guy says. “I know my own body. But don’t worry—I’ll still pay.” So he pays the bill and as he’s walking out, he grumbles to himself, “I don’t get what all the hype’s about—these restaurants are all terrible. … And I’m still hungry!”

THE JOKE’S ON US!

OK, maybe it’s not the most hilarious thing you’ve ever heard, but I still think it’s good joke—and not just because I made it up—but because it’s a lot like the way many of us approach self-help.

Think about the guy at the restaurant—what did he do? He read about the food, he ordered it, and he even paid good money for it—but he didn’t do the one thing that would’ve filled him up and made him feel better. He didn’t pick up his fork and actually eat the food!

I know it’s a silly analogy, but I’ve actually done the same thing—and maybe you have too. Did you ever buy exercise equipment that you never used—but still felt disappointed when you didn’t get healthier? Or maybe you’ve read self-help books or watched a movie like The Secret that got you all excited about improving your life… but then you didn’t take the action that would’ve made a difference. Or maybe you weren’t like the guy at the restaurant, and you actually did take a few bites—but then you stopped before you got the full benefit.

Believe me, I have repeated this pattern many times, and I always end up just like the guy in the joke: he leaves the restaurant feeling empty—and even blames the restaurant… and then he goes off looking for something else.

But after years of acting like this, I finally realized that, yes, it is important to read and even to invest in yourself, but the one and only thing that will ultimately change your life is taking action—eating the food, or at least taking that first bite.

And that’s what I encourage you to do—whatever you’d like to bring into your life—take that first step, that first bite! Because that is when positive change truly begins.

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When has taking action helped you to make a positive change? Is there any area of your life where taking action could help you make a change you’ve been wanting? Please comment—I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

(photo by chatirygirl)

When I first learned about constellations, I couldn’t help but wonder: What were those Greeks thinking?

Seriously, how could they look at a random cluster of stars and see Cancer the Crab. And that big “M” really looked like Cassiopeia on a throne to them? The weirdest one of all was Ursa Major—sure, a “Big Dipper” seemed reasonable; but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t see a bear. (Personally, I always thought it looked more like “The Great Question Mark in the Sky”—but that probably says more about me than about the stars themselves!)

It made more sense when I learned that these celestial beings were based on mythology. OK, so maybe the ancient Greeks weren’t so crazy after all—they were just connecting the dots in ways that told their stories. From the “billions and billions” of stars, they picked out a relatively small handful and linked them in ways that reinforced their existing beliefs.

And, in a sense, isn’t that what we all do?

We all tell stories (to others and even to ourselves) by selecting a few details and connecting them in ways that prove our point. The real question—which holds the key to your happiness or unhappiness—is: What details do you focus on, and how do you connect them? Or, to put it back into star-gazing terms:

What constellations are you creating?

When the ancient Greeks looked at the stars, they saw the good and the bad—jealous gods and immortal heroes. What do you see when you look up at the sky—or out at the world around you?

• Do you see greedy people trying to cheat you, or kind people trying to help you?
• Do you see challenges as enemies or as teachers?
• Do you see yourself struggling against constant adversity, or triumphing thanks to your indomitable spirit?

If your constellations are mostly positive—reinforcing the stories that you want to keep telling yourself—fantastic! Keep on feeding that vision!

If, however, they don’t reflect the life you want to live and the person you want to be, don’t worry—you can always create new constellations!

You can literally change your life story!

Changing your story doesn’t mean changing or denying the facts (or flat-out lying!)—it means that you see and present those facts in a different light. All you have to do is focus on different “stars” (or life events) and connect them with stories about the life you want, the world you want to live in, and the person you want to be!

For instance, if you suffered a traumatic event, you can think (and talk) about it as the moment that broke your spirit, or you can see it as a teacher that provided one of your life’s most important lessons. You might even choose to see it as a catalyst for getting back on track—for saying “Enough!” and reclaiming your life!

Or you can choose to focus on other “stars” altogether!

Remember: the stories you tell don’t just reflect the quality of your life—they determine it! So, if you find yourself telling the same story over and over (or different stories with the same underlying message), ask yourself:

• Is this story serving me?
• What story would I rather tell (and live)?
• What life experiences would I have to focus on, and how could I connect these “dots” (or “stars”) to tell a more empowering story?

It’s never too late to create new “constellations”—to rewrite your story in a way that empowers you to live a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life! Even though you can’t change your past, you can change the story you tell about it—which will certainly help create a happier future in which your star shines its brightest!

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What “constellations” keep showing up in your sky? Are there any that you’d like to change? What new stories could you tell that would feel more personally empowering?