Monthly Archives: July 2013

The Pitfalls of Perseverance

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The Pitfalls of Perseverance

(OK, so now you see why I generally stick to writing rather than art!)

Not sure if you can make out what’s going on in my little doodle, but here’s the gist:

  • The Situation: A guy is trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
  • Implied Backstory: He’s been trying to do this every day for a long time.
  • Spoiler Alert: It ain’t gonna happen. (Sorry, Smiley–today’s not the day!)

I know this is ridiculous (the premise as well as the drawing itself–and not just because the guy’s right hand is see-through and the thumb’s in the wrong place!). But seriously, why would someone keep doing the same thing–over and over and over–and expect a different result?

Am I saying that perseverance is a bad thing?

Not at all!

In fact, I think it’s probably the #1 key to success–sticking with something day after day, pushing on in the face of adversity, and coming back to a project even when you’re not making any visible progress. Sometimes your perseverance, faith, and determination are all you have. And sometimes that’s enough.

But sometimes it’s not.

So what do you do when your perseverance simply isn’t paying off–when you find yourself in a situation like our peg-pounding cartoon friend?

Before we consider alternatives to perseverance, let’s look at another scenario…

The Locked Door

(I was going to attempt a cartoon for this one as well, but seeing as “Square-Peg Man” took me five attempts–and this was the best I came up with–I thought I’d resort to good-old words.)

Actually, I imagine this like a mini-movie:

A guy walks eagerly up to a building that he really wants to get inside. He tries to open the door, but it’s locked. Devastated, he falls to his knees, wailing, “Noooo! Why me? I’ve come so far–only to find the door locked! O, cruel fate!” and other similar woe-is-me-isms. From his knees, he keeps pulling and pushing on the door, trying to force it open–to no avail.

Meanwhile, a stream of people enter and exit the building through a second door, which is about 10 feet away…and clearly UNLOCKED! But the Moaning Man doesn’t notice–he’s too busy bemoaning his fate…and struggling with the locked door.

Once again, I’m NOT bad-mouthing perseverance. But once again, in the locked-door scenario, perseverance alone ain’t gonna cut it.

So, what do you do when perseverance doesn’t lead to progress?

The first–and perhaps most important–step is: TAKE A STEP BACK!

Sometimes when you’re stuck, you just need to step away from a situation. Oftentimes, the biggest breakthroughs come when a period of pushing and perseverance is followed by relaxation. Take a day off. Take a walk around the block. Get a change of scenery. Temporarily switch your focus to something else–or nothing at all! Chill out!

You might find that a brilliant solution to a persistent problem pops into your head while you’re on vacation, lying down for a nap, or soaking in the tub (à la Archimedes’ “Eureka!” moment). Or you might find that when you return to the situation after some time away, your fresh perspective triggers a breakthrough.

Step Two: Assess the Situation

If a solution hasn’t presented itself naturally after you’ve taken a step back, take some time to assess the situation. Maybe you’ll notice what’s been hindering your progress (such as non-matching pegs/holes) or an alternate approach (such as a nearby unlocked door)–perhaps something that you were just too close to to notice before.

It’s kind of like a stuck zipper. Sometimes when you’re trying to zip up a zipper and it just won’t budge, the best approach is to unzip it a bit. Sometimes that’s all it takes, and it’ll go up easily on the next try. Other times you’ll be able to spot the problem–such as a piece of thread in the way, which you can easily remove.

Step Three: Try an Alternate Approach (or More of the Same)

If stepping away and assessing the situation hasn’t brought you to your desired “Eureka!” moment, the next step might be to try different approaches: look for another door, get a new peg, or ask yourself “What if I…?” and let your imagination run wild!

OR…persevere.

Yes, sometimes a situation calls for more of the same. Sometimes you just need to keep on plugging away–sending out more query letters, applying to more schools, or interviewing for more jobs. It might take 10, 20, or 101 tries. It’s not a sexy solution, but the next attempt could lead to your big breakthrough.

But before you put your nose back to the grindstone, consider this all-important question: How do you know if you’re showing perseverance or stubbornness? How do you know that you’re not pulling on a locked door or acting like the cartoon man, trying to fit a big square peg into a little round hole?

There are two ways: progress and faith.

Sometimes you’re able to see quantifiable progress. No, you haven’t finished writing your book, but you’ve got over 200 pages. You haven’t reached your ideal weight, but you have dropped a few pounds. Your tomato plants aren’t fully grown (much less yielding tomatoes), but you can finally see the stalk poking up above ground.

At other times, however, there isn’t visible progress, but you just know you’re on the right track. You feel it in your gut. You have absolute faith that if you just keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll experience a breakthrough.

That level of faith, coupled with perseverance, creates an unstoppable force. And, more often than not, it leads to success.

. . .

When in your life has perseverance lead to success? Or, have you ever had a breakthrough after you STOPPED doing what you were doing, took a step back, and tried a different approach?

Please feel free to leave your comments about perseverance–or anything else you feel inspired to write! Also, if you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it (with the buttons below and/or any other way).

Thank you again for being here — and for giving me the best reason in the world to keep doing what I do: YOU! 🙂

Brené Brown’s Attitude Problem

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brenebrownI just finished reading (and loving) Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection.

It was one of those rare books that found me saying, “Yes! Thank you!” to almost every sentence. Sometimes it was because she was saying exactly what I wanted to hear. At other times, it was because she was saying exactly what I didn’t want to hear–but knew that it was exactly what I needed to hear (because it was true).

One such passage was about attitude vs. practice.

Like many people, I’ve always valued having a positive attitude (or an “attitude of gratitude”). While this is certainly wonderful (and far better than the opposite), Brown writes about how this is not enough:

For example, it would be reasonable to say that I have a yoga attitude. The ideals and beliefs that guide my life are very in line with the ideals and beliefs that I associate with yoga. I value mindfulness, breathing, and the body-mind-spirit connection. I even have yoga outfits. But, let me assure you, my yoga attitudes and outfits don’t mean jack if you put me on a yoga mat and ask me to stand on my head and strike a pose. As I’m sitting here writing this, I’ve never practiced yoga. I plan to change that between now and the time you’re holding this book in your hand, but to date, I’ve never put the attitude into action. So where it really matters–on the mat–my yoga attitude doesn’t count for much.

Oof! I relate to this passage more than I care to admit. (But, in keeping with Brown’s emphasis on authenticity and vulnerability, I’ll admit it anyway!)

Brown wasn’t saying anything that I didn’t already know. (She just put it in black and white, so I couldn’t keep ignoring it!) In fact, I used to convey almost the same message to my students when I taught beginning t’ai chi classes.

At the first class, I’d tell them the benefits of practicing t’ai chi: improved balance and circulation, reduced stress and blood pressure, and an overall increase in inner/outer health and well-being (much like yoga). Then, at the final class, I’d ask them to name some benefits of knowing t’ai chi. They would repeat the benefits I’d mentioned during the first class and throughout the course, but I’d tell them (in what was probably an incredibly annoying, smart-alecky way): “No, there are almost no benefits to knowing t’ai chi. You only benefit if you practice–if you actually do it.”

Fast-forward 15 years, and I now find myself not doing t’ai chi anymore–and, therefore, receiving absolutely none of its potential benefits. Yes, I still subscribe to the t’ai chi attitude (flow, balance, harmony, etc.), but I’m not practicing it. (Like Brown with yoga, I do plan on changing this, but this is my truth for right now.)

The Power of Practice

While this principle is very clear for physical practices, it applies to almost every area of life: business, relationships, spirituality, health, creativity, and even gratitude.

We all have areas where our practices don’t reflect our attitudes. The question is: what do we do when we recognize these areas?

4 Tips to Help you Match Your Actions to Your Attitudes:

  • Nix the negative self-talk! I hope we can agree not to beat ourselves up! Self-flagellation hurts! And, as Brown teaches (in an earlier book), you can’t shame someone into changing their behaviors (in healthy, long-term ways). So let’s put the kaibash on any self-talk about how you suck…because you don’t!
  • It all starts with awareness! Just recognizing a disconnect can be the first step in changing it–if you want to! (…which leads to the next point):
  • Pick your practices! There are only so many hours in a day (24, to be precise). No matter how much you’d like to practice yoga and t’ai chi and meditation and creative writing and growing your business and A+ model parenting and basket weaving and all the other things you’d like to do (or feel you should do), you may have to prioritize–pick a few practices (or even just one) that’s most near and dear to your heart, and understand that the others may have to simmer on the back-burner for now.
  • Remember: Practice makes perfect progress! Practice isn’t about perfection! It’s about doing something that fills you with life. It’s about the experience itself. And, if you do have an ultimate goal (in addition to in-the-moment enjoyment), practice will move you toward it. No, it probably won’t instantly teleport you to that final destination, but making progress can often be just as satisfying as actually crossing the finish line.

The Attitude Solution

We can all locate attitude/practice gaps in our lives–whether it’s Brené Brown not practicing yoga, me not practicing t’ai chi, a business-person not implementing the “best practices” in their company, or someone with an “attitude of gratitude” that they rarely express.

But rather than getting down on ourselves about these gaps and seeing them as proof of the problems in our lives (or, worse yet, in ourselves), we can see these attitudes as signs of our potential.

Just by noticing our attitudes, we’ve identified areas that are important to us. We’ve identified core values and beliefs. And we’ve identified a way to make our attitudes come alive in our external lives: through practice!

And the more our attitudes and practices align, the more we reach our potential, express our true selves, and enjoy our lives!

…

What attitudes would you like to put into action? How can you practice them in your daily life?

I’d love to hear your comments about this topic. Also, if you enjoyed this article, please feel free to share it (through the social-media buttons below, or in any other way). Thanks for coming by and reading!