I recently read a very pleasant article (in The New York Times’ Opinion Pages) based on the premise that when the weather is good, it’s nice to write outside.

(I kid you not.)

Despite the rather innocuous subject matter, it was actually a very enjoyable, well-written piece–combining the author’s personal anecdotes about the pleasures of writing outdoors with scientific evidence about how nature benefits the human brain. Interesting and thought-provoking, but hardly controversial…or so I thought!

Based on some of the readers’ responses, however, you’d think this was an inflammatory piece of hate-mongering, dedicated to the destruction of all that’s right and beautiful in the world! Yes, many readers praised the article and contributed their own positive experiences with writing outdoors, but a remarkably high percentage (roughly a third) of the comments were negative or even downright rude.

(I won’t give any more attention to the rude ones, but here’s a laughable sample from someone who took umbrage with the author’s statement that “Fall promises crisp days…and ideal temperatures for being outdoors.” The anonymous commenter responded: “My question is: ‘Ideal temperatures’ for whom? Fall may present ‘Ideal temperatures’ for a few but it certainly does not for me. I prefer summer temperatures and find autumn much too chilly. Therefore, what one considers ‘crisp’ might be downright cold to another.” Wow! Who knew that autumn sunshine was such a hot-button topic!)

A few years ago, such responses might have bothered me, but now…well, they still bother me a bit. (Hey, this is HALFway up the Mountain–I’m human after all!) They don’t get under my skin quite as much as they would have in the past, however, since I’ve come to this helpful, empowering realization: There will always be idiots.

This may sound negative, but it’s actually incredibly liberating! It drives home an important lesson: You can’t please everyone! Once you fully realize this, you can stop trying! You can stop worrying, “What will ‘They’ think?”! You can stop letting your actions be determined by a handful of strangers–who are probably going to be negative no matter what you say or do! You can just be yourself, do your best, and live your life.

What a relief!

It’s also incredibly empowering to remember that just because someone offers bait, doesn’t mean that you have to take it–in person, on Twitter, or anywhere else. You can let them put in their two cents of negativity and leave it at that. You can just let it go, or you can choose not to take it in at all.

(I recently learned that the comedian Eddie Murphy declines to use social media in order to avoid this type of negativity, which he likened to someone jumping into your car at a red light, shouting an obscenity, then jumping out and running away.)

I don’t think that social media or other new technology is inherently negative, however. After all, it’s helped to reunite old friends, forge new friendships, and join people together for mutual good. But it’s also made it much easier for people to post mean (and usually anonymous) comments in all sorts of areas: responses to articles, YouTube videos, Twitter, Amazon book reviews, chat rooms, and all types of websites. (One unfortunate side effect of my being a Yankees fan is that I’ve encountered many a “troll”–people lurking in opposing teams’ chat rooms simply for the purpose of leaving rude comments and making themselves despised. I’m not sure whether to feel disdain, pity, or both.)

Respectfully offering an alternative perspective is one thing; being contrary just for the sake of being contrary is quite another. And being an idiot is another still.

Maybe I’m being too harsh by referring to online haters as “idiots.” After all, I’m sure they’ve got their own struggles, challenges, and inner demons to battle–just like the rest of us. Maybe they’ve had a particularly hard day and just need to vent. Maybe they’re simply falling into the common trap of making universal judgments based on their own individual, subjective experiences. Or maybe they truly are idiots.

Regardless, they can still serve as teachers in unexpected packages–reinforcing some of life’s most valuable lessons: to be true to yourself, to express your highest nature (regardless of detractors, contrarians, or trolls), and to do what I hope we can all do right now: have a quick laugh, let it go, and shift our focus back to all the positive elements of life that are SO much worthy of our attention!

And, above all, to be kind.
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Don’t.

(I was going to make that one word the entire post, but perhaps I should explain a bit.)

I was thinking about a couple that Jodi (my wife) and I met a few years ago. The woman was an amazing oil painter. We loved her uniquely stylized realism, which we thought had the potential to appeal to a wide audience. Her husband also felt that she could be very successful–both artistically and commercially–and asked us for suggestions about how to market her work.

At the time, Jodi and I were selling our original journals through an online wholesale company, which we recommended to them. Although the site was juried, we didn’t think she’d have any problem being accepted. Aside from talent (which she had in spades), the only other requirement was that the artists sell their work in at least two stores. With her skill, we figured that she could probably walk down the street, bring her paintings into the first two stores she saw, and have customers within minutes.

Her husband, however, seemed to have a different approach: He was determined to beat the system.

“What about your uncle?” he asked his wife. “He would probably say that he sells your paintings at his restaurant.” He thought for another moment before asking, “Who else do we know who would vouch for us?”

As the husband and wife mulled over this problem, Jodi and I sat in dumbfounded silence, both of us thinking the same thing: Are you KIDDING? Wouldn’t it be easier (not to mention honest!) to actually get your paintings into two stores?

They could even follow through with the lie they were concocting: to sell the paintings in her uncle’s restaurant (thereby making it not a lie!). Wouldn’t that be a great arrangement? She would have a legitimate wholesale customer, her uncle would have beautiful decorations, and his customers could enjoy the paintings for free–and if someone bought one, they’d get a great piece of original work, the artist would make money, and the uncle would get a commission. You can’t get much more win-win-win than that! Why on earth would they be trying to find a shortcut around this?

The situation reminded me of a ludicrous scene in one of my favorite novels (David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest), in which students cheat on their term papers by copying from other papers. Rather than saving time, however, they spend many hours making enough changes–and even inserting some intentional errors–so as not to arouse suspicion of copying (oftentimes, at the expense of a letter grade or two). They end up spending far more time and effort concealing their subterfuge than it would have taken to simply write an honest, original paper!

The students in the novel are meant to be ridiculous (and fictitious), but the painter and her husband were for real–and they took themselves entirely seriously. Furthermore, this seemed to be not just an isolated incident, but an approach to life in general–as suggested by the fact that they didn’t bat an eye or miss a beat before breaking into their discussion about how to get around the company’s (seemingly very reasonable) requirement.

Despite the painter’s talent and her husband’s support, we began to seriously doubt that they would ever make a living through her art–at least not as long as they maintained this beat-the-system approach.

Now, the point of me telling this story is certainly not to criticize this couple. Despite their, um…different approach to business, they’d been nothing but good, supportive, and kind to us–welcoming us into their home, complimenting our work, and going out of their way to help us on a number of occasions. We didn’t think they were bad people, and we honestly did (and still do) wish them success.

Nor do I plan to give a tedious (and obvious) mini-lecture about the virtues of honesty and integrity in business and in life.

I merely want to point out that oftentimes, what might look like a shortcut is actually a “longcut”! Even if we set aside all other concerns (integrity, etc.) and just ask what’s easiest for you–the answer generally is: do things the right way. Build a solid foundation. Don’t cut corners or try to weasel your way out of things. (With all due respect to Homer Simpson’s classic advice: “Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.”)

Believe me, I love a shortcut as much as the next guy. I’m always looking for ways to be more efficient, to find a straighter line between where I am and where I want to go. And this is exactly why I encourage you not to pursue beat-the-system schemes that are likely to create far more work, hassle, and worry for you! (You don’t want to spend even a moment thinking, “I hope they don’t check up on my story, or I’m in trouble”–if anything, you want to think, “If they do check up on me, it’ll just reinforce that I’m legit–exactly the way I presented myself.”)

As much as we free-thinking artistic types love to question authority (a practice that I wholeheartedly endorse), systems are generally in place for a reason–and not just to make you pointlessly jump through hoops or to cause bureaucratic headaches. In the case of the wholesale site, they want to make sure that the artists are legit–and to maintain their site’s high quality and reputation (which helps ALL the artists on the site–as well as the stores who buy from them).

Whether it’s in business, relationships, or any other aspect of life, the best approach is: instead of pretending to be someone you’re not, actually be that person! By doing this, you’ll build self-esteem, exude confidence, and inspire a well-deserved trust.

I know that this approach doesn’t sound as sexy as the maverick rebel, sticking it to “The Man” and skirting a maze of pointless red tape, but trust me: doing things the right way will save you time, effort, and headaches–and help you build a solid foundation for long-term success.

And that’s all I ever wanted–for that talented painter and for all of us.

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