I generally shy away from recommending any specific practice to others.

The way I see it, everyone’s on their own journey. (Or, to use this blog’s central metaphor, everyone’s got their own path up the mountain.) We all have our individual tastes and preferences. We gravitate toward different practices, and respond in our own unique ways.

What feels right to me may not be right for you–and vice versa. It’s hard enough to know what’s best for even a single person, much less for all people!

I do, however, have a lone exception to my (almost) no-universal-advice policy: journaling. It’s the one (and only!) activity that I would recommend to absolutely everyone!

(Meditation comes in a close second.)

While everyone has their own path, I truly believe that regardless of your background, beliefs, talents, and lifestyle, there is absolutely no one who can’t benefit from journaling:

• You don’t have to be a writer! In fact, it’s a PERFECT tool for non-writers, since you don’t have to worry about grammar, spelling, or “good” writing–since no one else is going to see it!
• You don’t have to be religious or spiritual! You can write about anything you want–from your secret crushes to ideas for a business project. You can journal about your most profound insights, or simply record your day-to-day activities (which can, in itself, lead to heightened awareness and appreciation for your life).
• You don’t have to be an introvert! While journaling may be a natural activity for introverts (those who recharge by spending time alone), it’s also a great way for more social, extroverted people to connect with what’s inside them–a way to turn their attention inward and listen to their own incredibly wise “small, still voice” within!
• You don’t have to have lots of free time! You can journal for hours each day–or for a few minutes every other month. Your journal is like a good friend who’s always there for you–undemanding, yet always available for a heart-to-heart chat of any length!

And there are SO MANY BENEFITS to journaling. It can help you:

• Feel more relaxed, centered, and at home in your own life.
• Connect with your true, authentic self.
• Unlock your creative spirit.
• Understand the patterns in your past, and live more consciously in the present.
• Experience deeper appreciation for your everyday life.
• Live fully and reach your highest potential.

Most importantly of all, journaling can help you become more fully YOU!

How to Start–or Continue and Deepen–Your Journaling Practice

If you’re already a journaler, great! You’ve probably already felt many of the benefits. But you may not have experienced the full potential of this practice. Maybe you tend to write about the same things over and over (which can be very illuminating), or maybe you haven’t explored your journal–and yourself–as deeply as you’d like to.

Or maybe you’d like to journal, but you just don’t know where to start or what to write–or you feel intimidated by the blank page. (If so, don’t worry–even the most experienced writers feel this way sometimes!)

I find that sometimes using a writing prompt (a thought-provoking question, statement, or fill-in-the-blank sentence) can be a great way to get your creative juices flowing…and your pen moving!

Here are a few of my favorite prompts:

• Who am I? – You’d be amazed at how much (and how deeply) you can write just from this “simple” three-word question. You might start off with some basic external self-definitions (parent, co-worker, friend, American, etc.), but it’s amazing how quickly you start peeling back the layers and getting to your essence.
• What does your soul want you to know? – This is my wife’s favorite prompt. (In fact, she made it the tagline of her blog, Soul Speak.) She’ll ask herself this question, close her eyes, wait for an answer, and keep typing until the message is done. It’s pretty miraculous what happens when you ask, listen for an answer, and transcribe!
• I remember… – This is a great way to reflect on your past and to uncover moments of your life that you might not have thought of for years. Sometimes I like to focus on a particular age (such as 0-7) and write down anything that comes to me from that time period. It seems like one memory leads to another, and another, and another…and you realize how full and rich your life has been!
• I am grateful for… – A great prompt for creating an ongoing “Happy List.” Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to boost your mood, improve your overall outlook, and keep you looking for more and more to be grateful for…so you’ll have more to add to your list!
• What does your ideal life look like? – While “I remember…” helps you explore your past, and “I am grateful for…” encourages you to appreciate your present, this prompt turns your gaze toward your future. It invites you to take one of the most important steps in creating an amazing life: clarify your vision. The more clear you get about where you’d like to go, and the more you focus on this vision, the more likely it is to emerge as your reality!

I hope that these prompts and this post has inspired you to begin journaling or to continue/deepen your existing practice–and to explore and appreciate yourself and your life in all of its infinite richness!

Happy Writing!

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NOTE: If you’re already subscribed to this blog, you’ve probably gotten the free download ebook, Transitions, which contains 50 writing prompts. (If you haven’t subscribed yet and would like the book, simply enter your email and click the “Subscribe” button in the upper-right of this page.)

Also, if you’d like to check out the entire series that this book is part of, Soulful Journals, just click here.

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I’d love to hear about your experiences with journaling…or anything else you’d like to share. Please feel free to comment and/or share this post with others (by clicking the buttons below or in any other way). Thanks! 🙂

(Photo by Joel Montes de Oca.)

We’ve all been there:

Standing at a fork in the road. Faced with a choice. Trying to figure out where to go, what to do, which option to choose.

You might be facing a choice between job offers, potential romantic partners, or deciding what project you want to dedicate yourself to next.

How do you decide?

Here’s what I recommend: Take out a sheet of paper, and divide it into two columns: pros and cons. Write down everything you can think of for each column, carefully weigh the pros vs. cons, and then crumple up the piece of paper and throw it out.

And then follow your heart.

I know we’ve all heard this plenty of times. People tell you to listen to your heart, trust your gut, or follow your bliss. But what does this really mean? And how do you do it?

There are many techniques that can help you make a decision–from meditation and prayer to muscle testing and pendulums–but my favorite approach is something I call:

The Helium Method.

Have you ever talked to someone who’s trying to choose between two or more possibilities? They generally weigh the pros and cons of each option, and rationalize why they should probably go with the choice that makes the most sense.

But sometimes, in the midst of their staid, logical discussion, a moment arises when their whole demeanor suddenly changes. They perk up like their double espresso just kicked in. They glow. They seem to become ten years younger and many pounds lighter. And their enthusiasm becomes contagious.

That’s the moment when they’ve struck helium.

Oftentimes, we’ll pursue something in the hopes of “striking gold”–finding that glorious vein that will make us rich and solve all our problems. (More on this later.) And yes, striking gold certainly can be wonderful. But what can be even more wonderful is “striking helium”–finding that magical possibility, person, or passion that lifts you up, as if you were a balloon that suddenly got filled with helium.

You know you’ve struck helium when…

• Tasks and activities related to this possibility don’t feel like chores or unpleasant assignments–they’re a pleasure. They flow naturally and easily. They energize you, rather than draining you. They feel less like work and more like play!
• Rather than forcing yourself to keep going, you have to force yourself to take breaks. You have to remind yourself to eat, sleep, and use the bathroom!
• You get energized just by talking about this possibility, just by thinking about it.
• You feel like a kid again (in a good way)–feeling a playful innocence, a childlike wonder.
• Your friends notice a positive change. They say you seem lighter, younger, happier. They ask what’s different–or they don’t have to ask, because this is all you ever talk about!
• You have a crush on your life.

But most of all, you know you’ve struck helium when you don’t have to ask–when you just feel it in your heart, in every cell of your body. Like having a crush. Like falling in love.

Efficiency, Success, and the Helium Effect

The world of personal growth is filled with wonderful tools to help you be more efficient, more successful, and happier. And while many of these techniques are truly life-changing, they’re no substitute for The Helium Effect–having passion and enthusiasm for whatever you’re engaged in.

Sure, you can learn to work more effectively, to focus better, and to have a healthier relationship–but all the tips, tricks, and “best practices” in the world can’t make you feel enthusiastic about something (or someone) you don’t genuinely love, that doesn’t lift you up and ignite your passion.

On the other hand, when you do “strike helium,” you don’t need to trick yourself into sticking with it. You’ll probably find that it’s the most natural thing in the world. All you have to do is fill up with helium, cut any strings that might be tying you down, and soar!

Trust Me–Everyone Can Tell!

One last important point about The Helium Effect is that it’s not just an inner experience–it reflects in everything you do. You can’t fake helium–everyone can tell when you’ve got it and when you don’t.

Think about when you look at other people and their work–can’t you tell when something has been done begrudgingly, as an unwanted assignment? But you can also tell when something is a labor of love, full of passion and enthusiasm, fueled by helium. It’s joyful and light, and it lifts you up, too!

And (to return to the “striking gold” theme, as promised) you’re actually more likely to be successful when you do something that fills you with energy, passion, and enthusiasm–no matter what the activity is! In terms of inner and outer success, you’re more likely to “strike gold” 100 feet in the air–filled with helium and soaring effortlessly–than you are while slaving away in an underground mine!

Choose Helium!

So, the next time you’re faced with a decision, remember that you can choose the path that makes the most sense, the one where the pros outweigh the cons–or you could choose the one with the most helium!

You can probably guess which one I’d recommend. 🙂

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When have you felt “The Helium Effect” in your own life? When has a person, project, or possibility filled you with life, passion, and enthusiasm? If you’re facing a choice right now, which option fills you with the most “helium”?

Thanks for coming by and reading. If you enjoyed this post, please share it by clicking the buttons below (or any other way). Hope to see you again! 🙂

(Photo credit:123rf.com)

First of all, don’t worry–it’s a personal-growth metaphor! (No, I didn’t radically change my blog’s topic–even if it might have increased my readership!) And this metaphor relates to all sorts of relationships, as well as to business and almost all other areas of life. So, let’s consider it and see if it applies to anything in your life.

Even if you’ve never been in this situation yourself, maybe you’ve known a couple that broke up but then continued to, um…(insert your euphemism of choice here: “hook up,” “get together,” “hang out,” etc.).

If both people are OK with this situation, then there’s no problem. But what if one of them wants to move on? What if they’re looking for someone new–someone with all the qualities they’d like in a partner…without the drawbacks that caused them and their ex to (supposedly) break up? Chances are, it’s going to be hard to start a healthy, new relationship while still semi-attached to an ex.

What other people do in their relationships is none of my business, but if someone in this situation asked for my honest, non-sugar-coated advice, I’d have to say:

Stop sleeping with your ex!

It seems pretty straightforward in the dating world; but, like I said, the dynamic of this situation applies to many areas of life–including business, which is how I’ve experienced it recently.

For the past 8 years, my wife and I have run a handmade-gift business. We started off focusing on crafts, such as handmade journals, but gradually evolved to focus more on the journals’ contents (writing prompts and inspiration).

This made sense, since inspirational writing is our passion and the direction we want to keep moving in. That’s why we’ve spent most of the past few years writing (writing-prompt journals, as well as books, blogs, and ecourses).

But even while we moved into a new “relationship” with writing, we never completely broke it off with our “ex”–handmade journals. Each time a new journal order came in, we’d reluctantly stop whatever writing project we were passionately engaged in, put away our laptops, and pull out the journal-making supplies.

Long after we realized that crafting was not the vision we held for our future (or present), we kept going back to what we knew. We knew we needed a clean split with this past in order to move forward, but we never managed to break it off with our crafty past. The pseudo-relationship stayed in this limbo-state for years. (My wife even said it felt like the most prolonged break-up ever!)

Why did we let it drag on for so long?

Truth be told, we liked the “easy money” of the status quo–even though it always felt like a step backwards. (Like one of those dreams when you’re taking a high-school exam, only to suddenly realize that you’ve already graduated–thinking, “What am I still doing here?” Except this wasn’t a dream!)

But last week we finally broke it off!

We did the crafting equivalent of burning our bridges: we sold all the handmade lokta paper we had used to make our journals. We eliminated our path of retreat. Now if someone tried to order a lokta journal, we could no longer make it even if we wanted to.

Even though it’s a bit scary to break from the safety of our past, it’s also exhilerating to know that we’re fully committing to our future–that we believe in the strength of our vision more than the tug of the known.

(Well, to be perfectly honest: in the spirit of “Halfway up the Mountain,” we’re not 100% there yet–we still sell notepads and spiral-bound journals through our Etsy shop [which we plan to sell ASAP]. But the lokta journals were by FAR the most time-consuming tasks, so stopping those has immediately freed up a ton of energy–and countless hours–for us to devote to our “new relationship” of writing!)

Taking the Next Step

Another way of looking at this dynamic (using a more PG-rated analogy) is to think of it like climbing a flight of stairs: You start by putting your left foot on the first step, then you put your right foot on the second step. But when you want to move to the third step, what do you have to do?

You have to take your left foot OFF of the first step!

(OK, if we’re being hyper-literal, you could probably keep your left foot on step #1 and still manage to reach step #3 with your right. You might even be able to stretch all the way to step #4 [or even #5, if the steps are very small and/or your legs are very long] while keeping your left foot on step #1. But you’ll NEVER be able to reach the top of the stairs if you keep one foot on the first step!)

Gratitude for the First Step–Gratitude for Moving On

The beautiful thing about this perspective is that you can see each step as part of your process of moving toward your goal: the “top of the stairs,” your dream relationship, a more rewarding business, or whatever your vision may be.

There’s nothing wrong with a first step, a less-than-ideal relationship, or a business that isn’t your ultimate career goal…as long as you know when to let go and move on.

And yes, making a clean break is often painful. Saying goodbye to the past can be difficult–especially if it means letting go of a “sure thing” (no matter how imperfect) and moving into an unknown future. In truth, however, the only sure thing about remaining stuck in an unsatisfying holding pattern is that it will keep you from soaring toward your higher dreams.

And aren’t you excited to see what dreams await you…once you let go of the unfulfilling past? Aren’t you ready for a clean break? Aren’t you ready to take the next step?

Aren’t you ready to move on?

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Have you outgrown any area of your life, yet find yourself having a hard time “breaking up” with it? What’s stopping you? And what (or who) might come into your life if you free yourself of this (figurative or literal) “ex”?

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I have a passion for two topics that aren’t often linked: personal growth and baseball. This week, in honor of the start of baseball season, I’d like to share a life lesson from my favorite sport. (But don’t worry: you don’t have to be a baseball fan to enjoy or benefit from this post!)

The theme for this post actually came to me over 15 years ago, when I got the idea to write a book called In the Big Inning: Life Lessons from the Great American Pastime. I envisioned it as a  coffee-table book filled with full-color pictures and numerous examples from actual games–showing how they provide insights that extend far beyond the baseball diamond. I felt that the book would practically write itself. After all, this is a game where people use their individual talents to work together toward the common goal of helping one another arrive safely at home!

However, as I began to grasp the full scope of the undertaking (research, design, and numerous copyright-related headaches), I put the project on the shelf. Perhaps I’ll get back to it someday, but for now I’ll take the “Halfway up the Mountain” approach–realizing that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing–and provide a single example.

The Game: A Time to Steal

I can trace the origin of my book idea back to a single moment: October 6, 1997, top of the 8th inning of the tie-breaking fifth game of the A.L. Division Series between the Cleveland Indians and the New York Yankees.

After a two-out single gave the Yankees an opportunity to tie the 4-3 game, they brought in the speedy Andy Fox to pinch-run. This was a perfect situation for Fox to steal second base, which would put him in position to score on a single–a likely scenario, since the next batter was Wade Boggs, one of the greatest singles hitters of all-time.

(Mini lesson for non-fans: A reasonably fast runner can almost always score from second base on a two-out hit, but scoring from first requires at least a double. Roughly 3/4 of Boggs’ hits are singles. The fact that Cleveland’s pitcher was an excellent right-hander, Jose Mesa, made attempting a steal an even better idea.)

It seemed that the Yankees’ manager (the usually shrewd Joe Torre) would certainly have Fox attempt to steal second–which he had better than 2/3 odds of doing successfully. Of course, Boggs would still have to get a hit (about a 30% chance, given his excellent batting average), leaving about a 20% chance of scoring–not phenomenal, but roughly three times better than the odds of getting the two consecutive hits (or  one extra-base hit) necessary to score without stealing.

It seemed like a no-brainer.

But Fox never attempted to steal. Sure enough, Boggs hit a single. Instead of scoring the tying run (as he would have done if he’d stolen second) Fox made it only to third base. The next batter grounded out, ending the inning without a run. When the Yankees failed to score in the 9th inning as well, they were eliminated from the playoffs–the only time in a five-year stretch that they didn’t win the World Series!

The Lesson: The Risk of Playing it Safe

Even through my disappointment at watching my beloved Yankees lose, I could see an important life lesson: Sometimes, playing it safe is the biggest risk of all!

Yes, trying to steal second would have been a risk–but not as big a risk as doing nothing! Yes, if Fox had been thrown out, many people would have criticized and second-guessed the attempt. Yes, he may have failed–but he would have failed while “daring greatly.”

(Or, as I believe, he would have succeeded!)

This whole episode certainly reinforced the lesson that errors of omission (NOT doing something) are just as costly as errors of commission. In fact, most people feel greater regret for the things that they never tried than for things they tried but failed.

When you try, at least there’s always a chance at success. On the other hand, to use a relevant quote from another sport:

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” -Wayne Gretzky

When you don’t take a chance, you don’t eliminate the chance of failure, but you do eliminate your chance of success!

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

Have you ever had to choose between taking a risk and playing it safe? Did you choose to stick with the known, or did you venture into new territory? Have you ever risked criticism or failure in order to pursue a dream?

Whenever you make a bold, proactive move, there’s always the possibility that you’ll stumble. But either way, win or lose, at least you’ll never have to live your life wondering “What if…”! What if I’d taken that chance? What if I’d pursued that dream? What if Fox had tried to steal?

The good news is that regardless of what choices you’ve made in the past–taking risks or playing it safe–there’s ALWAYS time to live boldly! There’s always another chance. There’s always next year.

Just ask the Yankees: after their playoff loss in 1997, they came back stronger than ever…and won the World Series the next three years in a row!

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Photo: Stealing third base, 1985, by Rick Dikeman (not from the series discussed above, but a much more dramatic scene–featuring all-time stolen base leader Rickey Henderson, who was caught stealing 335 times…but was successful over 1400 times!).

As a writer, I LOVE learning new words! As a personal-growth writer, I especially love it when these words relate to personal growth! So, I’d love to introduce you to two of my favorite words that I’ve learned in recent years:

Funktionslust and Eustress

Funktionslust is a German word meaning “pleasure taken in what one does best”–having a love (or lust) for the functions you perform especially well!

Eustress combines the prefix eu- (meaning good–as in “euphoria” or “euphemism”) and the word “stress”–resulting in “good stress” (as opposed to the bad kind: “distress”).

For me, these words are a joy to use (and experience!) individually, and even more wonderful when combined. Here’s how I see them (and why I think they relate perfectly to personal growth):

Many self-help techniques (especially in the area of business/success) focus on doing things well: tools to maximize efficiency and productivity, and ways to perform at peak capacity. But all the tips, tools, and “best practices” in the world are merely superficial fixes (or pointless cover-ups) without an underlying sense of joy, of passion, of funktionslust.

Take your funktionslust, and make it happen!

Taking pleasure in what you do is important in at least three ways:

• First of all, you’re FAR more likely to do a good job at things you enjoy. Your work (or play) will reflect the life and joy you bring to whatever you do–be it dancing, coaching, bike-riding, parenting, writing, or anything else. It will shine through in your every word, movement, creation, and interaction.
• Secondly, even if you could be great at something you didn’t enjoy, what would be the point? Success would be joyless.
• Finally, if you take pleasure in your activities, then your happiness is not dependent on any externals. When you find joy in the process–in the activities themselves–any external reward becomes an almost superfluous byproduct of your joyful action.

It’s “Eustress”–NOT “You Stress”!

We all know what it feels like to be stressed in a bad way–to be nervous, anxious, or distressed. But just like there’s a “good cholesterol,” there’s also a good kind of stress. This is when you feel challenged, when you push just beyond your comfort zone, when you’re forced to bend–but NOT break!

Here’s an example you might remember from childhood (or adulthood): Have you ever ridden a ten-speed bicycle? As a kid, that was my primary mode of transportation, so I still remember very clearly what it felt like to pedal in the different gears:

First gear was great for riding uphill, fifth gear was good for flat surfaces, and tenth was usually reserved for pedaling downhill. But if you put the bike into first gear while riding downhill, you got almost no resistance. You could pedal and pedal without making any noticable difference–it felt pointless. On the other hand, trying to climb a hill in tenth gear was almost impossible. You’d hardly be able to move the pedals at all–and would probably end up getting off and walking your bike up the hill!

The key was to find the optimal gear for your strength and situation. You could tell where this was–when you could feel your leg muscles working but not straining. When you found the right match, you not only maximized your cycling productivity–but pedaling itself became a pleasure!

That’s the zone where funktionslust meets eustress!

And that’s what I encourage all of us to strive for in all our activities: to find that sweet spot where you’re performing at your peak, challenging yourself without creating negative stress–and finding pleasure in your ability to perform the activity itself.

Whether you’re exercising enough to feel your muscles (without injuring yourself), trying something new and perhaps even a bit scary (without being terrifying), or striving to improve at your favorite activities (without pushing yourself so hard that you burn out or cease to enjoy what you’re doing)–see if you can find that sweet-spot confluence of eustress and the pleasure of funktionslust–doing something so well that it feels like you were born to do it.

Because maybe you were!

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When have you felt funktionslust or eustress in your own life? Do you ever feel them both at the same time? How can you feel them more often?

I’d love to read your comments! If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it by clicking on the social media buttons. Thanks for visiting–stop by anytime! 🙂

Photo by Indy Writer

Do you think Twinkies should be free?

How about soda or candy?

Let’s try the same question with some other things, not just food (if you can actually call these examples “food”): Should tables and chairs be free? Should you just be able to walk into a furniture store and take whatever you want?

One more round–this time with services (rather than physical items): Do you think people should paint your house for free? Fix your car? Do your dry-cleaning?

Keep in mind, the question isn’t “Would you like these things to be free?”–it’s “Do you think they should be free?” In other words, should everyone just be entitled to go into any store and demand any item or service, absolutely free of charge?

If we’re being honest with ourselves, I’m guessing that most of us would answer no. (And if you didn’t answer no, I bet you would if you imagined yourself as the store-owner or service-provider in this scenario, forced to work for free, rather than the one getting the products or services for free!)

Fair is fair. Whether we’re talking about junk food, furniture, or manual labor, paying for things shows that you value them. Payment acknowledges the time, energy, and expense that goes into making/doing something that you want. And it represents (or embodies) an exchange of energy that both sides feel good about (otherwise, the exchange wouldn’t happen).

We take all this for granted–so much so that we rarely if ever think about it. It’s just a given that most products and services cost money. And that is generally seen as fair and right.

Yet all of these universally accepted notions about paying for what we value often goes right out the window when people think about services aimed at helping you in your spiritual life.

Time and again I’ve heard people say, “I just don’t think it’s right to charge money for spritual services.” Yet these same people would, undoubtedly, have no argument with a store charging for Twinkies or other things that are BAD for you. So why do they have a problem with people charging for something that is GOOD for you, that uplifts you, that adds value to your life?

More often than not, it’s not the would-be customer who expresses reservations, but the person providing the service: the one offering the spiritual counseling, reading, energy work, or any other service designed to enrich your life in a positive, holistic way. Some of these practitioners might feel that money and spirituality are in conflict. Others might simply lack the self-worth to value themselves and their gifts enough to feel worthy of putting a literal value on it…in the form of a price tag!

(My first job after college was co-managing a New Age Center, which I did for five years–so I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve heard variations on this “you-shouldn’t-charge-for-spiritual-services” theme dozens if not hundreds of times during those years alone!)

This is not to say that we shouldn’t give. (Also, don’t worry–I’m not going to start charging for my blog!) Giving is wonderful! Offering your gifts without any expectation is a beautiful service!

But there is also absolutely nothing wrong with exchanging energy for services–whether it is through trade, barter, or cash. After all, money is simply another form of energy. Payment assures that the energy keeps flowing back and forth (as opposed to a one-way energy-suction or simply stopping). It is also a compliment, a way of saying, “I appreciate you. I literally value what you do. It adds value to my life!” (If it didn’t, you wouldn’t participate in the service, even if it were free, right?)

From a law-of-attraction standpoint, paying for spiritual services is a way of feeding that service, a way of saying, “I want more stuff like this in the world!” Giving something energy makes it grow. And as I stated above, money is simply another form of energy.

On a practical level, exchanging money for spiritual services enables the server to make a living (fully or partially) through their gift, their passion, their service. It means that they will be able to offer this gift to far more people, dedicating a large portion of their life to it, rather than trying to cram it in on nights and weekends after working 40-odd hours at a job they took merely out of (perceived) necessity.

Without charging for their spiritual services, so many gifts would atrophy, fall by the wayside, or go largely (or entirely) unshared. Many people’s life-callings would go unanswered, simply because they felt uncomfortable accepting money for it. (Whereas they would, presumably, feel OK accepting money for typing in an office cubicle, putting cans on a grocery-store shelf, or doing whatever other job they might take to pay their bills.)

So, whichever side of the exchange you might find yourself on, remember that payment for spiritual service is a way of both sides saying, “I value this. I value you. This is important, life-enriching, spirit-nourishing work. And I’m willing to put my money where my mouth is.”

So, can we all just agree to get past this money-for-spiritual-services hang-up once and for all? I bet we’d all be so much happier, more abundant, and spiritually enriched.

I would put money on it!

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What are your thoughts about being charged money for spiritual services? (Remember, I’m not talking about charlatans and scam artists; I’m talking about people who legitimately enrich people’s lives through gifts and talents that they’ve nurtured and honed through years of work or training.) Do you ever feel weird about charging for your own services–whether they’re spiritually based or any other kind? Would you be willing to open to alternative perspectives that might nurture you, your gifts, and those who receive them? I’d love to hear about your thoughts and experiences.

Twinkies photo (CC) Larry D. Moore. Hostess Twinkies is a trademark of Interstate Bakeries Corporation.

This post is going to be a bit different: I just got an idea for a comic book (yes, based on personal growth–otherwise I wouldn’t mention it here), but I don’t draw well–so I thought I’d just summarize the story and, of course, throw in my two cents about its lessons/implications. Enjoy, and feel free to imagine marvelously drawn cartoons as you read. 🙂

Many people know the Arab story about the man who didn’t get the memo to “Trust in God, but tie up your camel,” but today I’m going to tell you the less-famous continuation of that story–and how it created a little-known superhero: Thirsty Man!

Part One: Dude, Where’s My Camel?

There are many variations on part one, but Thirsty Man’s version goes like this:

A Bedouin was riding his camel across the desert with his servant: the camel-keeper affectionately known as “Camel Boy.” One morning, they awoke in the middle of the desert to find that the camels were gone–inspiring their now-famous exchange:

Camel Boy: Dude, where’s my camel?
Bedouin: Didn’t you tie them up?
CB: No, I trusted in God to keep them here.
B: A little advice for the future, Camel Boy–trust in God, but tie up your camel.

Which brings us to the lesser-known part of the Thirsty-Man saga, in which these two camel-less fellows are forced to make their way across the desert by foot.

Part Two: Camel Boy Becomes Thirsty Man

As you can probably guess, the desert was very hot, and walking across it made them very thirsty. They rationed their extremely limited supply of water, but soon ran out of that. They were able to get a little moisture from a small cactus, but just barely enough to keep them alive.

After a few days and nights of staggering across the desert with parched mouths, they reached an oasis. The good people of the oasis took pity on the tired, thirsty travelers. Aside from tending to their physical needs, the villagers listened to their guests’ story with rapt attention.

Camel Boy especially appreciated the attention being lavished upon him–particularly by the beautiful women of the oasis, who wiped his brow, washed his feet, and hung on his every word. He had always lived in the Bedouin’s shadow, a near-invisible servant–but now he commanded center stage, evoking equal parts awe (“Wow, you really walked all the way across the desert?!”) and pity (“You poor dear, you must be so thirsty!”).

He was no longer a boy sidekick–he was a heroic leading man: Thirsty Man!

(At this point I imagine him standing tall under the oasis’s palm trees, proudly wearing his newly donned super-hero costume–the requisite cape and boots, as well as a tight-fitting unitard with the “Thirsty Man” insignia: a capital T over a burning sun and an almost-empty glass of water.)

Aside from listening to his amazing story (from which he conveniently omitted the detail about why he was walking across the desert), the oasis villagers offered water. The Bedouin gratefully accepted, drinking numerous glasses until his thirst was quenched. Thirsty Man, however, only took a few drops–just enough to wet his tongue.

“I don’t want to shock my system,” he explained. “My body has grown accustomed to doing with almost no water.” The villagers tried to coax him into drinking more, but he was adamant: just enough to keep him alive and no more.

Part Three: Thirsty Man’s Travels

Once the Bedouin had quenched his thirst, he decided that he liked the oasis so much that he would stay there. Thirsty Man, on the other hand, had bigger plans for his life: he was going to travel the world. And so, with much concern for his well-being (especially that lingering thirst, which he never seemed to shake), the villagers bid Thirsty Man adieu.

Once again he wandered off into the desert, with only a small canteen of water to sustain him until the next oasis. Amazingly, he managed not only to cross the desert but to travel around the entire world, making thirst not just a temporary condition but a way of life.

(Indeed, he’s built his entire life around this identity: His favorite food is extra-salty potato chips. His favorite animal is the cottonmouth viper. His favorite musician is Sonic Youth’s guitarist, Thurston Moore.)

Thirsty Disciples

Sadly, Thirsty Man is misunderstood by many people, who offer him water and are perplexed when he refuses to drink a normal amount. Others, however, are moved by his plight. Indeed, he has re-created time and again the original scene in the oasis: intrigue, concern, pity, and, above all, interest.

And wherever he goes, he certainly does attract interest–as well as disciples. The disciples don’t wear the same costume, and they build their lives around symptoms other than thirst–but the dynamic is the same:

• They identify themselves based on a hardship, illness, or symptom.
• The symptom, like Thirsty Man’s thirst, may have been unavoidable at some time in the past, but is no longer necessary to continue.
• They derive some benefit from the symptom–such as pity, assistance, or simply attention.
• They resist all efforts to eliminate the symptom or distance themselves from it.

Please note, however, that there’s a big difference between a thirsty man (someone who’s thirsty) and Thirsty Man (who’s built his entire identity around being thirsty).

Dark Night of the Thirsty Man

Sometimes, in his darkest hours, lying in bed at night, Thirsty Man wonders if it’s all worth it or if he should just give in and drink as much water as most other people. But then who would I be? he wonders. Certainly not Thirsty Man. And I’m not Camel Boy anymore (and wouldn’t want to be, even if I could). So I’d just be…

But he can’t even bring himself to finish the sentence. It’s just too scary, too confusing, too painful. And so he falls asleep thirsty, wakes up thirsty, puts on his Thirsty Man costume, and continues his thirsty lifestyle.

As I envision my comic book’s final page, Thirsty Man is surrounded by a throng of adoring, thirsty disciples. A few uncomprehending people offer him water, which he pushes away, despite his chronic thirst.

I wish that this story had a happier ending, but I’ve found that while you can offer Thirsty Man a glass of water, you can’t make him drink.

…

Have you ever met Thirsty Man or any of his disciples? What do you think is the best approach to them? Have you ever fallen into a variation of the “Thirsty Man” pattern, even a little bit?

Thanks for humoring my comic approach! Next time we’ll get back to “normal” posts–I promise! 🙂

I’m not generally a fan of violent movies, but one of my all-time favorite quotes comes from Fight Club–when Brad Pitt asks Edward Norton a simple-but-powerful question:

How’s that working out for you?

In the context of the movie, Pitt’s question implicitly warns of the dangers of ironic detachment and valuing cleverness over wisdom. For me, however, it’s a reminder to practice honest self-reflection.

This question is a great one for us to ask ourselves–especially when our lives are less than ideal–not in a mean or confrontational way, but as an invitation to honest self-assessment and personal growth.

Consider the various factors that make up your reality:

• your thoughts
• your actions
• your attitudes
• who you spend your time with
• what you focus on

And then look at the results these factors are creating in your present life. In other words, ask yourself: How’s that working out for me?

If you can honestly answer, “Great”–if your thoughts and actions are bringing you happiness and joie de vivre–then, by all means, keep doing what you’re doing! But if you’re less than thrilled with the results you’ve been getting, maybe it’s time to consider trying something different.

To put it in mathematical terms: if you keep adding 1 + 2 + 3 but you don’t want to get 6, you’re going to have to change either a number or an operator. You can’t keep doing the same things (or “adding the same numbers”) and expect different results.

As the self-help dictum goes: If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.

If what you’ve been doing hasn’t brought you personal fulfillment and happiness, chances are, continuing the same actions (and attitudes) will only bring you more of the same.

Oftentimes, however, even very unhappy people can become set in their ways, reluctant to consider alternative approaches. In Fight Club, for instance, Norton’s character clearly is not doing  “great,” as he initially claims. In fact, he hates his life. He lacks meaningful connections or activities. He’s lonely, empty, and stuck in a morally compromising job he despises. It’s easy to see why he’d want to emotionally shield himself with ironic distance (or delusion) from his own life. But under the facade, even he knows that he must change in order to feel deeply fulfilled and truly alive.

How about you–would you like your life to change in any way?

If so, you can start by looking at the way you’ve been living and asking yourself Brad Pitt’s question: How’s that working out for you?

If your honest answer is not as great as you’d like, don’t worry–in a way, that’s good news! It means you’ve taken the first steps toward changing: honesty, self-awareness, and a willingness to change.

How you decide to change is up to you. Maybe you’ll want to make a full-life overhaul, or maybe you’ll simply tweak a few details here and there. But regardless of what you do differently, at least you’ll know that you’re taking some action and moving toward something different–a better chance at finding more happiness!

…

How have your past actions and attitudes been working out for you? Are there any parts of your life you’d like to change? What step(s) will you take to begin that process?

I don’t know how common it is in real life, but it seems to happen a lot in teen movies: a young trouble-maker puts alcohol in a fruit punch (frequently at a high school dance or some otherwise wholesome, youth-oriented event).

While this would be a horrible thing to do in real life (for so many reasons–foremost among them, giving someone alcohol without their knowledge or consent), it makes a great metaphor: adding spirit(s) into an otherwise ordinary substance or activity.

So, how can we bring a (non-alcoholic) “spike” to our own lives?

Around this time of year, lots of us are making resolutions–planning on turning over a new leaf, exercising more, eating better, buckling down and getting disciplined. But why do so many of these good intentions fall by the wayside before President’s Day arrives?

There are plenty of reasons–lack of discipline, willpower, or commitment–but I’ll bet that for a lot of us it comes down to something even more basic: a lack of fun!

But what if you could keep your New Year’s resolutions by having fun? What if you could find ways to inject some spirit and short-term enjoyment into the things that bring you long-term health and fulfillment?

Here are some ways:

• Don’t just eat healthier–eat yummier! No one’s going to stick to a menu of nutritionally enhanced cardboard. But if you find the best tasting foods that fit in with your diet, you’re much more likely to stick to it–and enjoy every bite!
• Replace grueling exercise with fun movement! I’ve never been a masochist when it comes to exercise (or anything else). I’ve never set foot in a gym, and the very notion of a workout makes me want to run for the hills (unless the hills are too steep). But I’m happy to walk my dog for 40 minutes a day or play Wii dancing games with my wife. Why? Because it doesn’t feel like exercise–it’s just a type of fun that happens to involve moving.
• Replace discipline with “blissipline”! A few years ago, I heard a life coach use the word “blissipline,” and I fell in love with the concept, which you can apply to almost any area of your life. Instead of forcing yourself to plow through unpleasant tasks (for the sake of some future payoff), see if you can find the bliss in whatever you’re doing right now–getting lost in the joyful flow of the activity itself. (And if you can’t, maybe it’s time to consider doing something else!)

And this “spiking the punch” principle isn’t just for New Year’s resolutions–you can apply it to almost any area of your life. Are there times that feel dull or ordinary that you might be able to “spike”–to sneak in some spirit?

• Could you sing along to your favorite music while you’re washing the dishes?
• Could you play road games during a long drive (even if there are no kids in the car)?
• Could you spice up your business meetings or everyday work by adding contests or other ways to get people enthusiastically involved?
• Or could you simply make your errands more enjoyable by making a point to compliment at least one person you see at each stop?

Although it’s a tautology, it’s worth remembering that we don’t like to do what we don’t like to do. And we tend not to do what we don’t like to do.

But rather than give up when the going gets dull, maybe this year we can find ways to add more fun, more life, and more spirit into our resolutions and into our everyday lives–even the parts that are good for us!

And maybe we’ll find that it’s not either/or: we can live a healthy life, move toward our long-term goals, AND enjoy every moment of it!

…

Do you have any resolutions for this year? What are some ways you could make them more fun? How else can you add more spirit to your everyday life?