If you read this post’s title quickly, you might think it asked that common question: “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” And yes, in spite of being a cliché, this would have been a good question to ask. Like its spin-offs (e.g., “What would you do if you had a million dollars?” or “…if money were no object?”), it removes obstacles such as doubt, insecurity, or external limitations.

So, what would you do if success were guaranteed? Write a book? Start a business? Run for office? Pursue a career in art, music, dancing, or some other passion? Start a foundation to help animals, the environment, or homeless people?

The point of this hypothetical question, obviously, is to think about what you really want to do — without triggering the all-too-common reaction of immediately arguing for your limitations (namely, launching into all the reasons why you can’t pursue — or can’t reach –your dreams). When you put aside those excuses, doubts, and limitations, all that’s left is passion, love, and success.

But that’s not the way the world works.

In the real world, there’s almost never a guarantee of success. Almost everything you can imagine doing carries a degree of risk. And although it’s not always the case, it often feels like the greater the risk, the greater the potential reward.

When you think realistically about what you might want to do, you need to factor in the very real risks. So a more realistic question might be: “What would you do if you knew you could fail?”

In other words, what do you feel so passionate about that it would be worth taking a risk in order to pursue it? What matters so much to you that you’re willing to face the very real chance of failure — because the possibility of success compels you to at least try?

If you really want to follow that dream of devoting your life to creative expression, politics, entrepreneurial ventures, or philanthropy, you’ll do it anyway, even though you know that the dream might not come true.

(For instance, Jodi and I just started watching a TV series called Inside Jokes, which follows aspiring stand-up comedians auditioning for the Just for Laughs festival. As they pursue their dreams, they know all too well that they might fail. [In fact, the vast majority of aspiring comics don’t make it big in this world.] Yet they love what they do so much that they’re willing to risk it for the chance of spending their life sharing their thoughts, expressing their true selves, and making people laugh.)

So it’s great to consider what dreams and ambitions you’d pursue if success were guaranteed, but it’s more realistic to consider the possibility of failure and see what you’d still pursue anyway.

But now let’s take these hypothetical questions one step further by asking a question at the pessimistic end of the spectrum: “What would you do if you knew you WOULD fail?”

This might seem like a negative question, bound to lead you into depressing territory: thoughts of failure, shattered dreams, and a wasted life. But I think that just the opposite is true: This question encourages you to think of something you love so much that you’d do it no matter what — not simply because you might “make it big” but because the activity itself is inherently rewarding. This question encourages you to pursue the things that make life worthwhile, the things that feel as essential as breathing, the things that you never want to live without. It encourages you to do what you love.

So, think about this question for yourself: What would you do even if you knew you’d never “succeed” (at least not by society’s definition)? What brings the most joy into your life? What makes you feel the most alive, the most fully you? What are you passionate about…not because it might lead to something “bigger and better,” but because the activity itself is a life-affirming expression of your true self?

The good news is that when you pursue what you love, you’ve got a much better chance of making it big in terms of worldly success. But the even better news is that when you pursue what you love, regardless of the risks involved, you have the innate joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment of knowing that you’re living your calling — no matter where it does or doesn’t lead you. This way, even if you “fail” at your calling, you’ll be living a full, rich, authentic life.

And that is true success.

The two most powerful magic words I know aren’t open sesame, presto chango, or even por favor. They’re two words that have the power to open your heart and mind to limitless possibilities and innovations: what if.

Just like Ali Baba used open sesame to reveal treasure by opening what had appeared to be solid rock, what if has the power to crack open seemingly impassable (or impossible) obstacles, revealing the treasure within them.

And just like magicians might say presto chango to change one thing into another, what if can transform a roadblock into an opportunity.

For instance, if you encounter a roadblock in your business, you can approach it in several ways: You could try to power your way through it, like drilling through solid rock. You could simply throw your hands up in defeat and give up altogether. Or you could say what if… 

• “What if there were another way of looking at this?”
• “What if I could connect with someone who could help me move beyond this?”
• “What if this challenge turns out to be a blessing in disguise?”
• “What if this ‘obstacle’ is actually keeping me safe or pointing the way toward a better solution?”

The same holds true for creative blocks, personal challenges, or almost any difficulty you might face. Instead of saying, “I don’t know what to do.” You could ask yourself, “What if I did know the answer?” or “What if I tried a different approach?”

You can also use these words to ease your way into far-fetched affirmations. For instance, if positive affirmations such as “I am a powerful creator of unlimited abundance” or “I feel absolutely amazing in every way” feel too pie-in-the-sky for you (in other words, you feel like you’re lying to yourself when you say them), you could rephrase them starting with what if: “What if I could create more abundance in my life?” or “What if I could start to feel even a little bit better today?”

And when it comes to writing, nothing’s more powerful than these words (often called “The Magic What-If”), which form the beginning of almost every great premise:

• What if a girl from Kansas were transported to a magical land?
• What if a prince and a pauper switched places?
• What if teenagers from feuding families fell in love?

You’d be amazed at what wisdom you reveal within yourself when you simply open to the possibilities these two seemingly simple words can point you toward. However, like so many other magic words, when misused, what if has the power to cause immense suffering. When you look back at your life and think “What if…” about missed opportunities, these words can fill you with unbearable regret:

• “What if I’d pursued my big dream instead of playing it safe?”
• “What if I’d jumped at that opportunity while I had the chance?”
• “What if I’d dared to reach beyond my comfort zone?”
• “What if I’d answered my true calling?”
• “What if I’d said yes?”

Used in this context, the magic of what if turns into the heartbreak of if only.

Even in these moments of regret-filled reflections, however, you can pivot these magic words to help you open to wondrous possibilities. For instance, you could ask yourself:

• “What if there’s still time to pursue that dream?”
• “What if it’s all working out in divine timing?”
• “What if that window of opportunity hasn’t fully closed yet?”
• “What if that window of opportunity did close…but another better one is now open?”
• “What if those years weren’t ‘wasted’ after all, but were the perfect amount of time I needed to gain wisdom, experience, and the desire to move forward?”

No matter what your dreams may be, what obstacles you may face, or what regrets you may feel, these two little words — what if — can help you bring more magic into your life. You might not fully believe it, but what if you did?

…

P.S. If one of your dreams is to write a book that inspires — but you’ve felt overwhelmed by all the challenges involved — Your Soulful Book can help you avoid regret (of looking back, years from now, thinking, “What if I HAD written that book?”) and embrace positive possibilities (“What if I DO write my book this year?”)!

This heart-centered program (created by me and my wife, Jodi Chapman) provides all the tools, resources, and community/one-on-one support you need to successfully write, publish, and market your book.

To learn all about this program and take the next step toward your dream of holding your very own book — and sharing it with the world — please visit www.yoursoulfulbook.com.

I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent guy, but today I did something that was just plain stupid. It didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t a good thing to do. And my timing was absolutely terrible.

In retrospect, I can see that it was stupid. What makes it even worse, though, is that I realized that it was stupid before I started doing it — and even while I was doing it — yet I kept on doing it anyway.

Just to set the scene: this is one of the busiest times of the year for me. I’m launching two major programs in the next few weeks. I have to prepare to teach a brand-new class two days from now, followed by a completely different brand-new class the day after that. I also have to finish a workbook and film an instructional video. Plus, I have to reply to several people via Facebook and email regarding setting up video conferences and one-on-one sessions about their own projects. And I haven’t been getting a ton of sleep.

The good news is that I’m fairly organized; so when I walked into my office this morning, I knew exactly what I needed to do. What I actually did, however, was something completely different:

I wrote.

More specifically: I worked on my book — a passion project that’s completely unrelated to my upcoming classes, launches, and video sessions.

I know, I know — it doesn’t make any sense. With everything going on, the responsible thing would have been to get straight to work, going through each task in order of priority, based on how time-sensitive it is. Maybe if I had any extra time at the end of the day, I could have written. Or, better yet, simply relax, unwind, and recharge for the busy day I’ll have tomorrow. That would’ve been the smart thing to do.

Like I said, I knew all this before I sat down to write. And as I flipped through my notes and typed the first few sentences, I realized that there was still time to turn back — there was still time to do the smart, logical, responsible thing and get right to the pressing business of the day. But instead, I did the stupid thing: I kept writing. And writing. And writing.

(And then, when I finally finished the section I was working on, instead of getting straight to work, I doubled down on the stupidity by writing this post!) 😜

Why would I do something so stupid? Am I just a dumb guy? Irresponsible? A flake? Although you might get different answers depending on who you ask, I like to think that this isn’t the case. I think that what made me sit down to write (and keep writing for several hours) was a higher intelligence: call it the whispers of the soul, the heart, or my true self — but there was something urging me to follow that calling to write, no matter how little sense it made, no matter how unproductive it may have made me, no matter how “stupid” it may have been.

And what I found was that, rather than leaving me drained, depleted, scattered, or stressed, it energized me. It made me more focused and motivated to keep moving forward with my work tasks. It left me feeling satisfied, full, and happy. And above all, it just felt right.

Yes, taking time to write may have seemed stupid, but I’m glad I did it. And I’d do it again. (And hopefully, I will — again and again and again.)

…

How about you? Have you been called to do anything “soulfully stupid” lately? Something that your heart and soul is urging you to act on…even if your logical, practical mind doesn’t think it makes sense? What would happen if for a little while today — even just for an hour or so — you gave yourself permission to be a bit “stupid”?

P.S. If you’ve ever thought about writing a book that inspires people, I hope you’ll check out these free writing tools that my wife, Jodi, and I created to help you realize this dream: two helpful workbooks + a video series, “5 Essential Keys to Writing, Publishing, and Marketing Your Soulful Book.”

Please click here to learn more, watch the videos, and download the free workbooks.

I just read the words “Idle time is the devil’s workshop” for about the thousandth time, but it just now struck me how cynical, fear-based, and diametrically opposed to my own worldview this proverb is. Maybe it’s because I recently took almost a week off — five days filled (or not filled) with lots of idle time…and no sign of the devil!

Those days off were wonderful. My wife and I relaxed, took afternoon naps, went to the beach, explored a nearby town we’d never visited, played tennis (for the first time in about 16 years!), went on a real date, ate yummy food, played board games, saw the new documentary about Mr. Rogers (Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, which is so good that it merits at least an entire blog post of its own — for now, I’ll just say: go see it!), spent an afternoon doing volunteer work, discussed long-range dreams, and enjoyed in-the-moment experiences.

I also spent some time on my own, during which I finished reading a novel and started another (both by Paul Auster, whose novels I’ve been consuming voraciously of late), finished reading a nonfiction book (The One Thing by Gary Keller with Jay Papasan — which feels like a life-changer for me) and started another (Daniel Goleman’s Focus — so far, so good), and watched the All-Star game (which turned out to be one for the ages — complete with classic match-ups, a ninth-inning game-tying home-run, and extra-inning heroics). I also spent a lot of time lying in the hammock, watching the clouds, daydreaming, and doing a whole lot of nothing!

In other words, I was largely idle. And it was absolutely idyllic.

I emerged from my “staycation” feeling rested and renewed. I got inspiration for creative projects. I also enjoyed the idle time while I was in the midst of it. And during all that idle time, I somehow managed to stay out of trouble. I never had to fight the urge to do anything mean or hurtful. I never felt the devil working within me. If anything, I experienced the exact opposite: angels of joy inspiring my mind with creativity and filling my heart with love and appreciation.

I know I’m not alone in this type of experience. In small chunks of downtime or during extended vacations, millions of people all around the world enjoy the soul-refreshing experience of idle time each and every day. And our lives and our world are enriched because of it.

These experiences run exactly counter to the “devil’s workshop” proverb, which assumes that people are inherently bad and that, left to our own devices, we’d get up to all sorts of devilish mischief. From this perspective, if our hands aren’t restrained (literally by manacles or figuratively by constant work and busyness) we’ll end up hurting others.

How cynical! How ludicrous! And how patently untrue!

The way I see it, idle time merely allows your true self to flow to the forefront of your life. And because I believe that most people are inherently good, I believe that idle time provides a space for that goodness to emerge. To use the Abraham-Hicks analogy, our true self is like a cork in water: unless you’re doing something to actively keep it down (such as running yourself ragged through overwork or lowering your vibration by complaining), the cork will rise to the top.

This doesn’t mean that we should spend the rest of our lives in a hammock — never working, never taking action, never taking out the garbage. A full, joyful life includes all sorts of inspired action — such as creative endeavors, traveling, working, learning, and giving back to others. (There are also many things that, like it or not, ya just gotta do — such as taking out the garbage.)

But a happy, healthy, balanced life also includes plenty of idle time — time to rest your body, recharge your soul, let your “cork” float up, take stock of your life, and simply enjoy the present moment. Rest assured, idle time is nothing to fear. As long as you are a good person (and you ARE!), leisure time will allow your true self to shine brighter than ever. It will inspire you to live an even richer life. It will make your loved ones happier, and it will make the world a better place.

So I hope that sometime soon (and on an ongoing, regular basis) you allow yourself some time to step away from it all. Time in which your hands aren’t busy. Time in which you invite your angels into your heart and mind — and let them play.

As part of the Your Soulful Book writing program, I recently re-read Anne Lamott’s modern classic, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.

The first time I read this book — over a decade ago — I was primarily focused on learning to write better. This time around, however, I was struck by the subtitle’s truth: so many of these “instructions” really do apply equally to life beyond the page.

Of the book’s many profound life lessons, here are five of my favorites:

“It is so much easier to embrace absolutes than to suffer reality. Reality is unforgivingly complex.”

I’m not sure if this is what Michael Stipe meant when he wrote “It’s so much more attractive inside the moral kiosk” (and, from what I know of his early songwriting process, I’m not so sure he knew what he meant either), but here’s one interpretation of both the REM line and the Lamott quote: It’s far easier to stay in a bubble, look out at the world, judge, and give instructions based on the limited perspective of your belief systems — rather than address the real-life complexities to be encountered beyond the “kiosk” of inflexible ideology.

In today’s hyper-polarized society, many people see the world in black and white — and insular websites and social media tend to reinforce their views. But the world beyond the internet tends to be much more than black and white — it has far more than 50 shades of gray plus a full spectrum of colors! And in this world, a lot of things that may look good on paper (or in your own mind) don’t so translate quite as smoothly as simplistic ideologues might have you believe.

“You don’t want to spend your time around people who make you hold your breath.”

As the Abraham-Hicks teachings suggest, the key emotional signal that you’re on a good track is RELIEF. And the biggest physical sign of relief is an EXHALE (especially when it’s accompanied by a smile)! You can apply this to big decisions, to everyday experiences, and certainly to people. The ones that elicit a big happy exhale are the ones you probably want to celebrate, appreciate, and bring more of into your life. And the ones that make you do the opposite — hold your breath — are the ones who make you appreciate the positive ones…and remind you to devote more of your time, thoughts, and life on THEM!

“When people shine a little light on their monster, we find out how similar most of our monsters are.”

Lamott wrote this in reference to a friend who told her, “When I was still drinking, I was a sedated monster. After I got sober, I was just a monster.” And when he described his so-called “monster,” she realized how much it resembled her own (except “without quite so much mascara”). But, unlike many people, she uses the word “monster” lovingly — a term for the hidden, repressed, disowned aspects of ourselves: the unspoken (or unwritten) truths that long to be acknowledged, expressed, and shared. And she encourages writers to express these shadow-truths — to bring these “monsters” to light:

We write to expose the unexposed. If there is one door in the castle you have been told not to go through, you must. … Most humans are dedicated to keeping that one door shut. But the writer’s job is to see what’s behind it, to see the unspeakable stuff, and to turn the unspeakable into words.

I believe that this holds true for all people — not just writers. Whether we write, sing, paint, or just talk to a close friend, it can be so freeing to share our hidden truths. And when we do this, we tend to find not shame but something quite the opposite: “We’ve all done or thought the same things. … We don’t end up with a brand on our forehead. Instead, we compare notes.” Instead of excommunication, we experience communion.

“You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

(See lesson #1.)

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand their shining.”

I like this line so much that I once wrote an entire post about it! Still, it deserves at least a mention in this list. I love the idea that you don’t have to try to “save” or “fix” others — that just by being your radiant self, you will help those you are meant to help. (And, at worst, you won’t be bothering those who don’t welcome your input.) This quote means so much to me, but if I had to summarize its core message (and what I take to be Lamott’s core message — and the message I’d most like to share with the world) in just a single word, it would be this: SHINE.

Sometimes we learn from people who model what we want. Other times, we learn from those who model what we don’t want!

In my previous post, I discussed someone who falls into the latter category: a guest on the TV show This Time Next Year who justified her inability to find love by claiming that “Men don’t want to commit” (Once again, using myself as counter-exhibit A, I’ll borrow Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers’ one-word catchphrase: Really!?!) This time, I’m using another counter-example from the same show (which really is a great, inspiring show 99% of the time — I promise!) to address one of the most pernicious attitudes out there: “No pain, no gain.”

As part of this guest’s intention to lose weight, she competed in a “Spartan Super” (a “Tough Mudder”-style race with 25+ obstacles over 8+ miles). In the midst of the grueling event, she threw up, prompting a man videotaping her to say, “It wouldn’t be a race if you didn’t throw up.”

Actually, it would.

Believe it or not, it is possible to get in shape, reach your goals, feel good about yourself, and even engage in healthy competition without prompting a violent, adverse physical reaction. Yet this well-meaning videographer seems to operate under the zero-sum-game worldview that gain has to be offset by an equivalent amount of pain. If that’s working for him, great, but it’s definitely not the way I want to live my life.

Another common example of this mindset is the slogan “Pain is weakness leaving the body.”

Actually, it isn’t. It’s your body sending you a message that you’re doing something harmful to yourself.

Now, I’m not talking about the sort of “pain” that could be more accurately characterized as discomfort, such as what you experience when you stretch slightly beyond your comfort zone (the positive experience of eustress); I’m talking about detrimental suffering. Continuing this kind of self-harming behavior simply doesn’t make sense. Think about it:

• If every time you ate a certain food, it gave you a horrible stomach ache, would you keep eating it — telling yourself, “That pain in my stomach is just weakness leaving my body”?
• If you were in an unhealthy (or even abusive) relationship, would you “tough it out” — telling yourself that staying in the relationship is making you stronger? (Unfortunately, many people answer yes to this question.)
• If you were hitting your head with a hammer, would you keep on doing it — telling yourself that you’re driving out the weakness from your head?

Obviously, I’ve chosen examples that are fairly extreme and pretty ridiculous (especially the last example, inspired by my dad’s oft-repeated expression: “It’s like hitting yourself over the head with a hammer — it feels great when you stop!”). But to me, they’re no more ridiculous than thinking that puking during a race makes it more beneficial to you. Or that making yourself sick somehow makes other people (or yourself) healthier. Or that making yourself miserable somehow makes other people happier. Or that suffering is inherently virtuous.

So please, do yourself, your loved ones, and the entire world a favor: stop doing things that cause yourself unnecessary pain and suffering. You’re not creating a better life or a better world. You’re just creating a world of pain.

Trust me: it is possible to feel good, reach your goals, and enjoy the journey…without puking! (In fact, the better you feel and the more you enjoy yourself, the more likely you are to reach your goals: According to a study reported in Jon Acuff’s book Finish, “picking something you enjoy…increases performance success by 46 percent.”)

And when you do what you love and love what you do, you radiate that love to everyone around you. You inspire others while reaping benefits in your own life. And you help create a world of “no pain, no pain.”

If you’re looking for love or would like to improve the romantic relationship you’re already in, Valentine’s Day can be the best time of year…or the worst! It seems like everyone is talking (and frequently giving advice) about love and romance. And while much of this is wonderful — a celebration of love — a lot of it is negative, self-defeating, and untrue (or at least not necessarily true).

Everyone’s experience of love (and everything else) is different, so I’d never want to dismiss or downplay what someone else has been through. But over the last 16 years of being in a loving relationship with my amazing wife, Jodi, I’ve learned a few things that I think are universal. While I could go on for hours about this topic, for now I’ll focus on just 1 DO and 1 DON’T of romantic relationships.

The 1 DO of Romantic Relationships

I’ve said it before, but it certainly bears repeating. If I had only one piece of advice to give to anyone interested in a healthy, loving, long-lasting romantic relationship, it would be this:

Be deeply in love, and be on the same team.

(OK, that’s a bit of a cheat because it’s a two-part compound sentence, but the first part — be deeply in love — is more of a prerequisite. After all, if you’re not deeply in love with someone, why would you want to be in a relationship with them in the first place?)

So, assuming you are deeply in love and you do want to be in a loving, romantic relationship, the key really is to be on the same team. This means that, as with teammates in sports, you don’t try to sabotage or tear each other down — you try to support and bring out the best in each other. And, just like sports teammates, it’s impossible for one of you to win while the other loses. (I always find it bizarre to hear couples talk about who “won” an argument. The very notion of a “winner” and a “loser” stems from a zero-sum-game mindset of opposition rather than cooperation and LOVE!)

Being on the same team doesn’t mean you’ll never disagree, hurt one another (unintentionally!), or face hardship and adversity. But if you always nurture, support, and root for each other (and for your two-person “team”), you’ll be able to make it through hard times together and celebrate mutual victories!

The 1 DON’T of Romantic Relationships

But to be on the same team, you’ve got to have a willing teammate. So, what prevents many people from finding a loving partner (or feeling a healthy love from their current partner)? I believe it comes down to this one “DON’T” of romantic relationships:

Don’t harbor self-defeating beliefs about love and relationships.

To say that your experiences reflect your beliefs would be a major understatement. To a very large extent, your beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies that determine the quality of your life! And in no area is this more evident than in romantic relationships.

Lately I’ve felt inundated by limiting beliefs about relationships, often spouted like self-evident truths by well-meaning people who are, nonetheless, preventing themselves and others from experiencing the love we all deserve. One recent example came from a woman (on the wonderful TV show This Time Next Year) who set the intention to attract a loving partner within a year. When they followed up a year later, she hadn’t found love, which she justified with one of the most self-defeating beliefs out there:

Men don’t want to commit.

As Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers used to say: Really!?! Tell that to the millions (perhaps billions) of men in committed relationships (including me)! Clearly, this woman’s belief reflects her experiences — and, therefore, her experiences reflect this belief!

Another self-defeating (or at least self-hindering) belief about relationships that often gets bandied about like a romantic axiom is:

Relationships are hard work.

Statements like this always make me respond (usually just in my mind but sometimes out loud) with two of the most powerful words in the English language: Says you! No doubt they’re true for the person saying them (and for many other people), but the real question is: Do they HAVE to be? (Or, more to the point: Do you WANT them to be?)

What if someone told you that friendships are hard work? What if they said, “To have a true friendship is really tough — you have to struggle to make it work.” Would you believe them? Aren’t most of your best friendships ones where you enjoy being together, sharing common interests and activities? Where you look forward to seeing them, and the connection just flows naturally? Where you can lean on them in hard times and celebrate the good times together?

So why does it have to be different with a “friend with benefits” — with someone who’s your best friend in the world? In my opinion — and experience — it doesn’t! Relationships don’t have to be hard work! They can flow just as easily as the most natural and loving friendships!

You may have heard the saying “If you argue for your limiting beliefs, you get to keep them.” Well, this is certainly true for limiting beliefs about love and relationships. And the more deeply ingrained these beliefs become, the less likely it is that you’ll experience anything contrary to what you believe (at least not without overcoming some serious cognitive dissonance). But if you loosen the reins on your limiting beliefs — even just a bit, opening yourself to even consider an alternative — you’ll find that you can have the best of both worlds.

Do You Want to Be Right, or Do You Want Love (or BOTH)?

Again, my point here is not to dismiss anyone’s beliefs or experiences (or to say that mine are better…or even “right”). I just hate to see people depriving themselves of the love they desire, especially when that love might be just a slight shift in perception away!

And, time and again, I’ve seen that once you get locked into a self-defeating habit (such as seeing your partner as an opponent rather than a teammate) or a limiting belief (such as “relationships are hard”), your experiences will most likely reinforce these attitudes, making it feel like you’re right. Remember, though, that the important question isn’t Am I right? — it’s Am I experiencing the loving romantic relationship that I desire and deserve?

If you’re experiencing anything less, maybe the time has come to ask yourself another set of questions:

• Are my beliefs and actions serving me?
• Are they leading me closer to my ideal romantic relationship or away from it?
• Are they opening or shutting the door to more love?
• Are they self-fulfilling prophecies that I WANT to fulfill?

(Note: As you may have noticed, these questions are just as relevant in other areas of your life as they are in love and romance. But for now, we’ll stay on the topic of the month.)

Keep in mind that while your beliefs may be true for you, they probably don’t HAVE to be true. You could just as easily adopt positive beliefs and actions that DO serve you and lead you closer to the love you want.

So if you find yourself thinking something like “I’m too old for love,” “No one wants to marry a single mother,” or “Marriage is hard work and struggle,” your experiences will most likely bear out these beliefs. But the same goes for positive beliefs such as “Marriage is a joyous flow of loving energy” or “My partner always has my back…just like a good teammate.” And when you adopt beliefs like this — and the actions that support them — you’ll find that you can be right AND find love!

…

P.S. If you’d like to watch an interview where I elaborate on these ideas and many other thoughts/experiences about love, you can do so by signing up for the FREE Soulful Love Summit! You’ll get access to access to 20 interviews (+ many free gifts, including a 4-week “Soulful Love” ecourse from me and Jodi) to help you experience a loving romantic relationship. Click here to see the details and sign up.

I wasn’t planning on writing a timely post for Martin Luther King day this year, but I saw something yesterday that inspired me to do so: I watched David Letterman’s recent interview with Barack Obama, and when the far-ranging conversation turned to civil rights, Letterman recalled walking with John Lewis across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama, 50 years after the Selma-to-Montgomery marches of 1965.

As you may already know, during the first march (a legal, nonviolent protest against discriminatory voting regulations), state troopers attacked the unarmed marchers with nightsticks and tear gas, and even beat Amelia Boynton (one of the march’s organizers) until she was unconscious.

Although this horrific experience (known as “Bloody Sunday”) was a major setback, the marchers were not defeated. Two days later, when they returned to the location for a “Turnaround Tuesday” march, their numbers had swelled to nearly five times the size of the original march, as they were joined by sympathizers from all around the country, including Martin Luther King.

This event, however, was also not the success they had envisioned, as they were forced to discontinue the march long before they reached Montgomery. Also, after the march, KKK members attacked and killed James Reeb, a minister from Boston who was in town for the march.

But even this second round of setbacks and tragedy did not stop the movement. In fact, less than two weeks later, the marchers returned — and this time they realized their original vision. By the time they reached Montgomery (on March 25, 1965, with federal protection and nationwide support), they had been joined by approximately 25,000 supporters — almost 50 times the number of people as had started the original march!

The marches were not merely a symbolic success. Between the second and third marches, President Johnson introduced the Voting Rights Bill to prohibit racial discrimination in voting; that summer, he signed the bill into law.

Hearing this story recounted, I was incredibly moved by the strength and bravery of the marchers in 1965, and I was also filled with hope for the present and future. At a time when it’s so easy to lose hope — to feel your spirit crushed by personal and social setbacks — it’s encouraging to remember that others have prevailed over setbacks…and emerged with even greater strength!

I realize that the victories of 1965 weren’t absolute or permanent. The pendulum swings back and forth. Discrimination is not over, and John Lewis and other civil-rights advocates still come under attack for their efforts to advance equality and justice. But the example of John Lewis, Martin Luther King, and the other marchers in Selma renewed my faith that oppression of truth, justice, and freedom will be met with a magnified surge of soulful strength and peaceful power.

So if you’re feeling disheartened at seeing the resurgence of a newly emboldened KKK, the disparagement of black people in the U.S. and around the world, or other examples of bigotry (such as Islamophobia or anti-LGBT discrimination), find hope in the Civil Rights Movement, which overcame setbacks and came back stronger than ever!

And the same holds true in ALL areas of your life: If you face personal setbacks, obstacles, attacks (of any kind), or even tragedies, please know that this does not need to be the end of the road for you. You too can rise up even stronger, you can recommit to your values with redoubled vigor, and you can reach your dreams.

On this day of national remembrance, may these reminders bring you a renewed sense of faith, optimism, and hope.

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Photograph by Steve Schapiro: John Lewis (far right) marches to Montgomery, Alabama, in March 1965 with the Rev. Ralph David Abernathy, James Foreman, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesse Douglas.