Complete this sentence:

I’d love to __________ , but __________ .

Fill in the blanks with anything you want–big, little, long-term dreams, passing whims, far-fetched fantasies, achievable goals–and the blockades that stand in your way.

• I’d love to be a professional musician, but I’m not talented enough.
• I’d love to lose weight, but I don’t have the willpower.
• I’d love to go back to school, but I’m too old.
• I’d love to quit my job, but I need the health insurance.
• I’d love to write a book, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day.

…or any other desires/obstacles in your life.

This part is probably easy, right? You’ve probably already got an example or two (if not several dozen) that you’ve already said or thought–perhaps on a regular basis. Everybody has hopes, dreams, and desires–and everyone has reasons why those hopes, dreams, and desires can’t come true for them.

But what happens if you say the same sentence again, but this time stop before the word “but”?

I’d love to __________ .

(Period.)

What if you just left it at that?

Does that mean that the second part (the “but…”) isn’t true? Not necessarily. It just means that you’re willing to acknowledge, contemplate, and perhaps even say out loud what you’d love in your life.

Why is this so important?

Stating (or even contemplating) your dreams is beautiful, invigorating, and empowering. But a big ol’ “but” shuts down your dreams. It pushes them down (onto their butt) the moment they try to stand–before they even take a step! It slams the door in your face–before you even try to open it! It ends the discussion–before it even begins! It robs you of your creativity, your ingenuity, your enthusiasm, and your power.

BUT…if you simply state your dreams without the preemptive “but,” you’ll find that mental wheels start to turn. Possibilities present themselves. Doors open. And you get to bask in the beauty and power of your dreams.

Just feel the difference:

• I’d love to be a professional musician.
  
• I’d love to lose weight.
• I’d love to go back to school.
• I’d love to quit my job.
• I’d love to write a book.

Suddenly, those “impossible” dreams seem possible, right? Suddenly, they’re invigorating, exciting, and life-affirming. Suddenly, they motivate and inspire you. Suddenly, they’re not so far-fetched. Suddenly, they seem like they’re real (or, at least, could become real).

Losing your “but” doesn’t mean that you instantly achieve your dreams or overcome the challenges you face, it simply means that you acknowledge your desires. You sit within the realm of possibilities instead of impossibilities.

You enter the realm of “what if…”:

• What if I could be a professional musician?
  
• What if I could lose weight?
• What if I could go back to school?
• What if I could quit my job?
• What if I could write a book?

And whereas those buts stop your thinking, the what-ifs start your mind whirling with possibilities. And before you know it, you’re thinking in terms of “Maybe I could do this” or “Those challenges don’t have to stop me” or “There might be other ways to reach this goal.”

Sit with your dreams…not on them!

For starters, you don’t have to figure out ways to achieve your goals, overcome challenges, or rise above the buts that stand in your way. All you have to do is sit with your dreams. Acknowledge them. Feel their power. Bask in their beauty. They will inspire you, nourish you, and take on a life of their own…as long as you don’t slam a big ol’ BUT in their face!

So, the next time you notice a big ol’ but trying to sit on your dreams, see what happens if you kick the but out (of your sentence, your mind, your heart, and hopefully your life) and just let your dream breathe for a while. Let it marinate. Let it incubate. And just see what happens once that big ol’ but gets out of your way.

You might be pleasantly surprised.

…

What’s your “big ol’ but”? What preemptive blockades and excuses do you habitually throw in the way of your dreams? What might happen if you didn’t? Would you be willing to lose the “big ol’ but,” let your dreams incubate, and see what happens?

If you read every post I write this year, you probably won’t read anything you haven’t already heard, read, or thought yourself–possibly many times before. A lot of it may be redundant. Or clichéd. Or just plain obvious.

So what’s the point of reading this blog?

I can tell you in a single word: REMINDERS.

My goal isn’t to teach you anything new. It isn’t to blow your mind with never-before-considered theories. And it certainly isn’t to enlighten you (which would seem outrageously pretentious even to presume that I could!).

I simply want to remind you of what you already know–especially the things that are so important that they deserve to be returned to and reinforced again and again (and again and again), such as:

• Be yourself.
• Live fully.
• Take time to go within.
• Keep coming back to the present moment.
• Keep coming back to love.

…as well as some of the guiding principles that I’ve found to be true in my own life, such as:

• You become what you focus on and what you do consistently.
• Your life is determined not so much by your experiences as by the meanings you assign to them.
• Beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies, and you get to choose your beliefs.

…and of course, “The Magic Formula”:

• Gratitude – Focus on what you’re grateful for.
• Vision – Focus on the positive elements you’d like to manifest in your life.
• Action – Take steps to move toward your dreams…while appreciating where you are.

These aren’t things that you do once and then you’re set for life. For instance, you wouldn’t say, “I was grateful last year–now I’m done with gratitude forever.” Or, “I took one step toward my dream; now I never have to take action ever again!” Or, “I don’t have to come back to the present moment–I already did that yesterday!”

These are the things that you return to over and over and over. Day in, day out. Hour by hour, moment by moment. Forever.

But how do you keep yourself coming back to these core concepts? Again, I can answer in one word: REMINDERS.

Fortunately, there are reminders everywhere you look:

• Blogs – this one, as well as thousands of others (plus books, movies, TV shows, podcasts, and other forms of communication) designed to bring you back to the beautiful basics.
• Friends and Loved Ones – especially if you choose to surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and remind you of what’s most important in life.
• Daily Life – which is filled with wonderful (and often unexpected) reminders that reinforce the lessons that enrich your life. (Even counter-examples can be “clarity-through-contrast” reminders of what’s most important to you.)

You can also come up with your own individual reminders. For instance, I use red lights as reminders to come back to the present moment; and each time I tie my shoes, I remember (or at least try to remember) to tap into my source of inner joy.

Do I remember to remember every time? Absolutely not! But even some of the time is better than none of the time. And that just means I’ll get my reminders elsewhere on those days. Fortunately, the supply is infinite!

So, to my devoted readers who keep coming back again and again: Don’t be shocked if you notice some recurring concepts from one post to another. This is merely a sign of something worth repeating. Something I value enough to reinforce. Something worth remembering.

You know–the good stuff: Gratitude. Vision. Action. Authenticity. Awareness. Here. Now. Love. Life. You.

…

What do you think are the “beautiful basics”–the essential concepts and elements of life? What’s most important to you? How do you remind yourself to keep coming back to that?

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Photo by amasterpics123

I recently watched a TV show featuring a spirituality expert who answered the audience’s questions. In response to the first question, the expert taught a mini-lesson that was insightful, clever, eloquent, and wise.

And it had absolutely nothing to do with the question.

It was as if the expert had a few things that he wanted to say, and he was determined to deliver his prepared speech, whether or not it was relevant. It made me wonder if he’d even heard the question at all. It made me wonder why he even bothered with the pretext of Q & A and didn’t just teach a one-man lesson. And it also made me wonder if I should bother watching the rest of the show.

Fortunately, I did continue watching and found that the non-answer turned out to be an anomaly. For the rest of the show, the guest expert’s responses were helpful, heartfelt, and relevant.

So the episode served as a reminder not to give up on someone too quickly. It was also a reminder to avoid the trap that’s so easy to fall into (for spirituality experts or anyone else): The Wisdom Trap–in other words, putting more focus on being (or seeming) wise than on actually listening to and connecting with others.

This is a totally understandable trap. After all, doesn’t it feel great to share pithy nuggets of wisdom? Isn’t it natural to relish one’s ability to tell metaphorical teaching tales? And doesn’t everyone enjoy being able to convey their deep, profound insights on life? Of course–we all like to feel (and be) wise!

And sometimes that’s what’s called for: for instance, when delivering a sermon, a lecture, or a commencement address. And sometimes it’s not what’s called for: for instance, when talking to a friend or responding to someone’s very specific question about a very specific situation.

In those cases, what’s usually called for is, first and foremost, to listen. To treat the person as an individual. To see them. To hear them. To recognize their specific situation. And to be present with them.

Oftentimes, a person isn’t looking for advice or wisdom. They’re not looking for you to “fix” their situation. They merely want to be seen and heard. They want to know that they’re not invisible and not alone.

When someone does welcome another person’s perspective or advice, however, it’s still important to have an actual two-way conversation, rather than deliver a prepared speech (minus the podium). It’s important to talk with them rather than at them. It’s important to really see them, hear them, and treat them as an individual. And it’s important to remember that it’s about them–not about you, and certainly not about you coming across as clever, insightful, or wise. It’s about two people making a genuine, authentic connection.

Yes, sometimes wisdom may pop up as a sort of incidental byproduct during such a conversation, but it shouldn’t be the focus or the goal. Yes, it’s nice to have someone tell you that you’re so wise, but it’s even nicer to have them tell you that you’re so helpful. And it’s nicer still to have them tell you that you’re a true friend.

I realize that this approach won’t necessarily get you booked on national TV shows (although it might–after all, it would be rather refreshing). It won’t necessarily lead to bestsellers or catapult you to celebrity status (or, then again, maybe it will). And it probably won’t get your words retweeted or turned into Facebook art. (I don’t see, “Mmm… I hear ya,” or, “I’m right here with you, buddy” going viral!) But it will create true bonds. It will help. It will heal.

Now, let me be clear: I’m all for wisdom. I love powerful lessons, inspiring stories, and pithy quotable/tweetable nuggets. But it’s important to remember that wisdom exists to serve people–not vice versa. Wisdom is a means to an end, not the end in itself.

When we care more about appearing wise than about other people, we’ve fallen into “the wisdom trap.” When we care more about making true, meaningful connections–with or without “wisdom”–then we’ve got our priorities straight…and we’re being truly wise!

…

(photo by frugo)

Do you still wear your baby shoes?

Probably not, right?

What about the clothes you wore when you were a little kid? Still squeezing into your first pair of jeans? How about that outfit you thought looked so cool when you were 10 years old? Or the one that you didn’t think was cool but had to wear anyway…because it was a gift from a well-meaning relative?

I’m guessing that these shoes and clothes have long since been retired from your wardrobe. Not that there was necessarily anything wrong with them. (Although, in retrospect, some of them may have merited an intervention from the fashion police.) But at the time, they probably seemed reasonable enough. Or at least they fit!

But they don’t fit anymore. So you stopped wearing them. You handed them down to younger siblings, gave them to Goodwill, or simply threw them away.

It seems obvious enough with physical clothes, but it can get trickier when it comes to our inner “clothing.” Are you still “squeezing into” anything from childhood that no longer fits you? Could you use an inner make-over in any of the following areas:

• beliefs
• habits
• identity
• roles
• values
• worldview

In what ways are you holding onto parts of your past that no longer fit?

As a youngster, perhaps you played the role of the obedient (or even subservient) child. Or maybe you picked up a belief such as “You can’t trust anyone.” You might have believed people who told you that you weren’t very bright (or beautiful or talented, etc.).

In some cases, the people who passed down these beliefs may have been acting maliciously (such as someone telling a child that they’re not beautiful). Most of the time, however, these inner hand-me-downs were probably well intentioned. And in most cases, they probably served a valuable function: They may have helped to preserve the peace in a turbulent home environment. They stopped you from taking candy from strangers (except perhaps on Halloween!). And in one way or another, they kept you safe.

But you probably reached a point where these beliefs, roles, and habits no longer served you–yet you didn’t replace them.

Let’s think again about your first pair of baby shoes. They were probably given to you by your parents. And they probably fit very well (at first). They probably kept your feet safe and protected–especially if you wore them when you first learned to walk. And they were probably adorable!

But if you kept wearing those shoes as your feet grew, eventually they wouldn’t have been good for you. They would have been painful. They would have given you blisters. Eventually, they would have hindered your development or even crippled you.

Just like these shoes, many (if not all) of your beliefs were passed down to you by parents or other (usually) well-intentioned adults. Just like these shoes, they kept you safe and served a valuable purpose. Also like these shoes, you’ve probably outgrown them. The trick is to know when to let them go–and update your inner wardrobe!

This doesn’t mean that everything you learned as a child needs to be discarded! Chances are, you probably learned many valuable lessons that will serve you well throughout your entire life. However, you probably also learned some that, like old clothes, fit at the time but no longer fit. (And you probably picked up plenty of inner “clothes” that never fit to begin with!)

It’s your job as a conscious adult to tell the difference–to distinguish what’s a valuable family heirloom that you want to hold onto, what was once valuable but no longer fits, and what was always junk! And then make sure you take the all-important next step: to replace anything you’ve outgrown with something that fits the person you are today!

So, when you find yourself falling into habitual roles, viewing yourself and the world in unhealthy ways, or expressing beliefs that no longer serve you, it’s probably time to trade in these inner “baby shoes” for some big-kid kicks!

Yes, you might feel a tinge of sadness at letting go of your familiar inner clothing. You might even feel a bit of fear at giving up your inner security and embarking on a journey of redefinition–or even rebirth. You might even be angry at yourself for staying stuck in a limiting belief for so long.

But remember that those beliefs, roles, and other habits probably once served you very well. It’s just that you’re ready to move on to something a bit more, shall we say, evolved? Just the fact that you’re willing to explore this process is a healthy sign.

It means you’re ready for an inner-growth spurt!

…

What inner “baby shoes” have you been wearing (or trying to wear)? In other words, have you maintained any long-standing beliefs, roles, habits, or thought patterns that no longer serve you? How have they impeded your personal growth? What new “clothes” would be a better fit for the person you are now…and the person you’re becoming?

Thank you so much for coming by and reading! If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to comment, share (with the buttons below or in any other way), or subscribe (if you haven’t already done so)…and come back again! 🙂

(I had to post this one BEFORE Thanksgiving, while it’s still relevant…)

When you’re hungry, that’s just your body craving nourishment. You desire something outside of yourself. You feel a slight (or moderate or extreme) discomfort, which motivates you to get something to eat.

Fortunately, most of us are able to satisfy our hunger most of the time. But what if you couldn’t? What if you just ate and ate and ate and still felt a horrible gnawing in your gut? What if there were no way to satisfy your hunger?

Aside from being incredibly painful, that would be quite a cruel joke for the universe–and our bodies–to play on us. But I don’t believe that the universe plays cruel jokes. I don’t believe that we would experience a sensation such as hunger if there were no way of satisfying it. In fact, I believe that hunger plays a vital, positive role in our growth and survival. If we never felt hungry, we might forget to eat–and that would be even worse than feeling hungry!

I also believe that the same thing applies to other types of hungers: the hunger for a better life, the hunger to create, the hunger to connect, the hunger to learn, the hunger to find purpose, and the hunger for satisfaction in all areas. These hungers motivate us to move toward something beyond our current state. They motivate us to grow. They motivate us to seek nourishment. They motivate us to become more than what we currently are.

And, just as with food-hunger, I believe that we would not feel these yearnings if we weren’t able to fulfill them. The fact that we feel such a hunger is evidence that we can satisfy it. Again, I do not believe that the universe is playing a cruel joke on us. It would not taunt us with a desire that we had no possibility of fulfilling.

So when you feel hungry for food, take that as a helpful reminder from your body to take action, satisfy this yearning, and nourish yourself. And you can see other types of hunger the same way: Know that the yearning you feel–the desire for something more in your life–is a very positive sign. It means that you are able to fulfill your desire. In fact, it may be the all-important first step toward that fulfillment!

This doesn’t mean that you always WILL satisfy your hunger and fulfill every single desire, it just means that you CAN. You still have to take action–to do something to turn your hunger into satisfaction. But just becoming aware of your hunger–and seeing it in a positive light–means you’re well on your way!

Remember, if you couldn’t fulfill a hunger, you wouldn’t feel it. The fact that you DO feel hungry (for anything) is just a sign that it’s possible–that you have the power to bring it into your life and make it part of who you are. All you have to do is use that power!

…

Aside from food, what are you hungry for? What do you yearn for? What do you long to bring into your life? What’s the first step you can take to satisfy this hunger?

P.S. If you’d like to help people who are literally hungry, you can do so just by visiting thehungersite.com and clicking their donation buttons — it’s completely free!

P.P.S. Jodi and I are pleased and honored to be featured in the newly released collection, Letting Go: 25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender, by Alex Blackwell. This book is a collection of 25 true stories of peace, hope and surrender that will remind you that letting go isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. Click here to visit the Amazon page and learn more. 🙂

I recently read a very pleasant article (in The New York Times’ Opinion Pages) based on the premise that when the weather is good, it’s nice to write outside.

(I kid you not.)

Despite the rather innocuous subject matter, it was actually a very enjoyable, well-written piece–combining the author’s personal anecdotes about the pleasures of writing outdoors with scientific evidence about how nature benefits the human brain. Interesting and thought-provoking, but hardly controversial…or so I thought!

Based on some of the readers’ responses, however, you’d think this was an inflammatory piece of hate-mongering, dedicated to the destruction of all that’s right and beautiful in the world! Yes, many readers praised the article and contributed their own positive experiences with writing outdoors, but a remarkably high percentage (roughly a third) of the comments were negative or even downright rude.

(I won’t give any more attention to the rude ones, but here’s a laughable sample from someone who took umbrage with the author’s statement that “Fall promises crisp days…and ideal temperatures for being outdoors.” The anonymous commenter responded: “My question is: ‘Ideal temperatures’ for whom? Fall may present ‘Ideal temperatures’ for a few but it certainly does not for me. I prefer summer temperatures and find autumn much too chilly. Therefore, what one considers ‘crisp’ might be downright cold to another.” Wow! Who knew that autumn sunshine was such a hot-button topic!)

A few years ago, such responses might have bothered me, but now…well, they still bother me a bit. (Hey, this is HALFway up the Mountain–I’m human after all!) They don’t get under my skin quite as much as they would have in the past, however, since I’ve come to this helpful, empowering realization: There will always be idiots.

This may sound negative, but it’s actually incredibly liberating! It drives home an important lesson: You can’t please everyone! Once you fully realize this, you can stop trying! You can stop worrying, “What will ‘They’ think?”! You can stop letting your actions be determined by a handful of strangers–who are probably going to be negative no matter what you say or do! You can just be yourself, do your best, and live your life.

What a relief!

It’s also incredibly empowering to remember that just because someone offers bait, doesn’t mean that you have to take it–in person, on Twitter, or anywhere else. You can let them put in their two cents of negativity and leave it at that. You can just let it go, or you can choose not to take it in at all.

(I recently learned that the comedian Eddie Murphy declines to use social media in order to avoid this type of negativity, which he likened to someone jumping into your car at a red light, shouting an obscenity, then jumping out and running away.)

I don’t think that social media or other new technology is inherently negative, however. After all, it’s helped to reunite old friends, forge new friendships, and join people together for mutual good. But it’s also made it much easier for people to post mean (and usually anonymous) comments in all sorts of areas: responses to articles, YouTube videos, Twitter, Amazon book reviews, chat rooms, and all types of websites. (One unfortunate side effect of my being a Yankees fan is that I’ve encountered many a “troll”–people lurking in opposing teams’ chat rooms simply for the purpose of leaving rude comments and making themselves despised. I’m not sure whether to feel disdain, pity, or both.)

Respectfully offering an alternative perspective is one thing; being contrary just for the sake of being contrary is quite another. And being an idiot is another still.

Maybe I’m being too harsh by referring to online haters as “idiots.” After all, I’m sure they’ve got their own struggles, challenges, and inner demons to battle–just like the rest of us. Maybe they’ve had a particularly hard day and just need to vent. Maybe they’re simply falling into the common trap of making universal judgments based on their own individual, subjective experiences. Or maybe they truly are idiots.

Regardless, they can still serve as teachers in unexpected packages–reinforcing some of life’s most valuable lessons: to be true to yourself, to express your highest nature (regardless of detractors, contrarians, or trolls), and to do what I hope we can all do right now: have a quick laugh, let it go, and shift our focus back to all the positive elements of life that are SO much worthy of our attention!

And, above all, to be kind.
…

P.S. Looking for a way to shift your focus back to the positive…and keep it there? Check out our new ecourse, 28 Days of Joy. If you’re ready to bring more joy into your life, please join me, Jodi, and many others as we spread the joy!

Click here to learn more and join us!

Don’t.

(I was going to make that one word the entire post, but perhaps I should explain a bit.)

I was thinking about a couple that Jodi (my wife) and I met a few years ago. The woman was an amazing oil painter. We loved her uniquely stylized realism, which we thought had the potential to appeal to a wide audience. Her husband also felt that she could be very successful–both artistically and commercially–and asked us for suggestions about how to market her work.

At the time, Jodi and I were selling our original journals through an online wholesale company, which we recommended to them. Although the site was juried, we didn’t think she’d have any problem being accepted. Aside from talent (which she had in spades), the only other requirement was that the artists sell their work in at least two stores. With her skill, we figured that she could probably walk down the street, bring her paintings into the first two stores she saw, and have customers within minutes.

Her husband, however, seemed to have a different approach: He was determined to beat the system.

“What about your uncle?” he asked his wife. “He would probably say that he sells your paintings at his restaurant.” He thought for another moment before asking, “Who else do we know who would vouch for us?”

As the husband and wife mulled over this problem, Jodi and I sat in dumbfounded silence, both of us thinking the same thing: Are you KIDDING? Wouldn’t it be easier (not to mention honest!) to actually get your paintings into two stores?

They could even follow through with the lie they were concocting: to sell the paintings in her uncle’s restaurant (thereby making it not a lie!). Wouldn’t that be a great arrangement? She would have a legitimate wholesale customer, her uncle would have beautiful decorations, and his customers could enjoy the paintings for free–and if someone bought one, they’d get a great piece of original work, the artist would make money, and the uncle would get a commission. You can’t get much more win-win-win than that! Why on earth would they be trying to find a shortcut around this?

The situation reminded me of a ludicrous scene in one of my favorite novels (David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest), in which students cheat on their term papers by copying from other papers. Rather than saving time, however, they spend many hours making enough changes–and even inserting some intentional errors–so as not to arouse suspicion of copying (oftentimes, at the expense of a letter grade or two). They end up spending far more time and effort concealing their subterfuge than it would have taken to simply write an honest, original paper!

The students in the novel are meant to be ridiculous (and fictitious), but the painter and her husband were for real–and they took themselves entirely seriously. Furthermore, this seemed to be not just an isolated incident, but an approach to life in general–as suggested by the fact that they didn’t bat an eye or miss a beat before breaking into their discussion about how to get around the company’s (seemingly very reasonable) requirement.

Despite the painter’s talent and her husband’s support, we began to seriously doubt that they would ever make a living through her art–at least not as long as they maintained this beat-the-system approach.

Now, the point of me telling this story is certainly not to criticize this couple. Despite their, um…different approach to business, they’d been nothing but good, supportive, and kind to us–welcoming us into their home, complimenting our work, and going out of their way to help us on a number of occasions. We didn’t think they were bad people, and we honestly did (and still do) wish them success.

Nor do I plan to give a tedious (and obvious) mini-lecture about the virtues of honesty and integrity in business and in life.

I merely want to point out that oftentimes, what might look like a shortcut is actually a “longcut”! Even if we set aside all other concerns (integrity, etc.) and just ask what’s easiest for you–the answer generally is: do things the right way. Build a solid foundation. Don’t cut corners or try to weasel your way out of things. (With all due respect to Homer Simpson’s classic advice: “Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.”)

Believe me, I love a shortcut as much as the next guy. I’m always looking for ways to be more efficient, to find a straighter line between where I am and where I want to go. And this is exactly why I encourage you not to pursue beat-the-system schemes that are likely to create far more work, hassle, and worry for you! (You don’t want to spend even a moment thinking, “I hope they don’t check up on my story, or I’m in trouble”–if anything, you want to think, “If they do check up on me, it’ll just reinforce that I’m legit–exactly the way I presented myself.”)

As much as we free-thinking artistic types love to question authority (a practice that I wholeheartedly endorse), systems are generally in place for a reason–and not just to make you pointlessly jump through hoops or to cause bureaucratic headaches. In the case of the wholesale site, they want to make sure that the artists are legit–and to maintain their site’s high quality and reputation (which helps ALL the artists on the site–as well as the stores who buy from them).

Whether it’s in business, relationships, or any other aspect of life, the best approach is: instead of pretending to be someone you’re not, actually be that person! By doing this, you’ll build self-esteem, exude confidence, and inspire a well-deserved trust.

I know that this approach doesn’t sound as sexy as the maverick rebel, sticking it to “The Man” and skirting a maze of pointless red tape, but trust me: doing things the right way will save you time, effort, and headaches–and help you build a solid foundation for long-term success.

And that’s all I ever wanted–for that talented painter and for all of us.

…

P.S. Registration is now open for our new ecourse, 28 Days of Joy. If you’re ready to bring more joy into your life, please join me, Jodi, and many others as we spread the joy!

Monthly Special: You can sign up all month long for just $28! (Reduced from $47!)

Click here to learn more and join us!

(OK, so now you see why I generally stick to writing rather than art!)

Not sure if you can make out what’s going on in my little doodle, but here’s the gist:

• The Situation: A guy is trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
• Implied Backstory: He’s been trying to do this every day for a long time.
• Spoiler Alert: It ain’t gonna happen. (Sorry, Smiley–today’s not the day!)

I know this is ridiculous (the premise as well as the drawing itself–and not just because the guy’s right hand is see-through and the thumb’s in the wrong place!). But seriously, why would someone keep doing the same thing–over and over and over–and expect a different result?

Am I saying that perseverance is a bad thing?

Not at all!

In fact, I think it’s probably the #1 key to success–sticking with something day after day, pushing on in the face of adversity, and coming back to a project even when you’re not making any visible progress. Sometimes your perseverance, faith, and determination are all you have. And sometimes that’s enough.

But sometimes it’s not.

So what do you do when your perseverance simply isn’t paying off–when you find yourself in a situation like our peg-pounding cartoon friend?

Before we consider alternatives to perseverance, let’s look at another scenario…

The Locked Door

(I was going to attempt a cartoon for this one as well, but seeing as “Square-Peg Man” took me five attempts–and this was the best I came up with–I thought I’d resort to good-old words.)

Actually, I imagine this like a mini-movie:

A guy walks eagerly up to a building that he really wants to get inside. He tries to open the door, but it’s locked. Devastated, he falls to his knees, wailing, “Noooo! Why me? I’ve come so far–only to find the door locked! O, cruel fate!” and other similar woe-is-me-isms. From his knees, he keeps pulling and pushing on the door, trying to force it open–to no avail.

Meanwhile, a stream of people enter and exit the building through a second door, which is about 10 feet away…and clearly UNLOCKED! But the Moaning Man doesn’t notice–he’s too busy bemoaning his fate…and struggling with the locked door.

Once again, I’m NOT bad-mouthing perseverance. But once again, in the locked-door scenario, perseverance alone ain’t gonna cut it.

So, what do you do when perseverance doesn’t lead to progress?

The first–and perhaps most important–step is: TAKE A STEP BACK!

Sometimes when you’re stuck, you just need to step away from a situation. Oftentimes, the biggest breakthroughs come when a period of pushing and perseverance is followed by relaxation. Take a day off. Take a walk around the block. Get a change of scenery. Temporarily switch your focus to something else–or nothing at all! Chill out!

You might find that a brilliant solution to a persistent problem pops into your head while you’re on vacation, lying down for a nap, or soaking in the tub (à la Archimedes’ “Eureka!” moment). Or you might find that when you return to the situation after some time away, your fresh perspective triggers a breakthrough.

Step Two: Assess the Situation

If a solution hasn’t presented itself naturally after you’ve taken a step back, take some time to assess the situation. Maybe you’ll notice what’s been hindering your progress (such as non-matching pegs/holes) or an alternate approach (such as a nearby unlocked door)–perhaps something that you were just too close to to notice before.

It’s kind of like a stuck zipper. Sometimes when you’re trying to zip up a zipper and it just won’t budge, the best approach is to unzip it a bit. Sometimes that’s all it takes, and it’ll go up easily on the next try. Other times you’ll be able to spot the problem–such as a piece of thread in the way, which you can easily remove.

Step Three: Try an Alternate Approach (or More of the Same)

If stepping away and assessing the situation hasn’t brought you to your desired “Eureka!” moment, the next step might be to try different approaches: look for another door, get a new peg, or ask yourself “What if I…?” and let your imagination run wild!

OR…persevere.

Yes, sometimes a situation calls for more of the same. Sometimes you just need to keep on plugging away–sending out more query letters, applying to more schools, or interviewing for more jobs. It might take 10, 20, or 101 tries. It’s not a sexy solution, but the next attempt could lead to your big breakthrough.

But before you put your nose back to the grindstone, consider this all-important question: How do you know if you’re showing perseverance or stubbornness? How do you know that you’re not pulling on a locked door or acting like the cartoon man, trying to fit a big square peg into a little round hole?

There are two ways: progress and faith.

Sometimes you’re able to see quantifiable progress. No, you haven’t finished writing your book, but you’ve got over 200 pages. You haven’t reached your ideal weight, but you have dropped a few pounds. Your tomato plants aren’t fully grown (much less yielding tomatoes), but you can finally see the stalk poking up above ground.

At other times, however, there isn’t visible progress, but you just know you’re on the right track. You feel it in your gut. You have absolute faith that if you just keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll experience a breakthrough.

That level of faith, coupled with perseverance, creates an unstoppable force. And, more often than not, it leads to success.

. . .

When in your life has perseverance lead to success? Or, have you ever had a breakthrough after you STOPPED doing what you were doing, took a step back, and tried a different approach?

Please feel free to leave your comments about perseverance–or anything else you feel inspired to write! Also, if you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it (with the buttons below and/or any other way).

Thank you again for being here — and for giving me the best reason in the world to keep doing what I do: YOU! 🙂