The other day I did one of my favorite things in the world: I took a nap!

The nap itself was glorious (as naps tend to be), but when I woke up there was something wrong: my left arm was numb and paralyzed.

(I’m reminded of the old Stephen Wright joke: I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s going to be up all night.)

I picked up the “sleeping” arm with my other hand and let it drop, but I couldn’t feel a thing–and couldn’t move it on its own. It was like having an inanimate object attached to my body.

If you’ve ever had an arm (or a foot or any other body part) fall asleep, you know that it’s a very odd sensation–or, rather, no sensation at all. It can be very disconcerting, and I probably would’ve called 911 in a panic (dialing with my other hand, of course) if I didn’t know from experience that the numbness/paralysis would be short-lived.

And, sure enough, within a few minutes the arm started waking up: starting with subtle tingles, which turned into needles, which, for awhile, became so painful that I almost wished my arm would go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, however, the pain subsided, and my arm was back to normal.

Aaahhhhh….. 🙂

Although this very commonplace experience lasted only a few minutes, it got me thinking about numbness, pain, and the idea of “coming back to life.” (Granted, this idea has been on my mind a lot lately, since my wife just launched an ecourse with that title–which I’ll be shamelessly plugging for the next few months!) What I realized was this:

Oftentimes, pain is the first sign that we’re waking up and coming back to life.

Although no one likes to feel pain, at least it’s a sign that we’re not totally numb–not asleep or unfeeling (or dead). The feeling may not be pleasant, but at least we’re feeling something!

And that’s often what happens in our lives as we become more conscious, more aware, more sensitive: We start feeling more things–including some feelings that we don’t necessarily enjoy. We might experience pain. And we might even wish that we could go back to sleep, go back to being numb, go back to feeling nothing at all rather than this agonizing, unbearable pain.

And it makes sense. I get it. I can sympathize.

I’ve felt pain–far worse than a tingling arm. We all have. And we’ve all had moments when we’ve wished that the pain would just go away–even if it meant feeling nothing at all. When we’re in pain, it’s completely natural that part of us would rather numb out than feel the pain–or feel anything.

But there’s another part of us that, even in the midst of great pain, realizes three important things:

1. This too shall pass. Even the worst pain subsides over time.
2. Pain can be a teacher. Whether it’s teaching us a lesson about impermanence or reminding us not to touch a hot stove, pain is ultimately there to serve us.
3. Pain is a sign of life. Whether you’re experiencing hypothermia or heartbreak, you should be most worried when you stop feeling!

I’m not suggesting that we intentionally seek out pain or eagerly invite it into our lives, I’m merely saying that when it does (inevitably) show up, we can see it as evidence that we are awake and alive and able to feel.

And that means that we are also able to feel the rest of the spectrum of sensations and emotions–including joy, ecstasy, elation, relief, awe, and love.

And we remember why it’s all worth it.

At some point, you too will take a nap.

Part of you will fall asleep–your arm or your foot, or maybe your heart or your soul. But eventually you will wake up. You will feel the tingles and, most likely, some pain. And that’s when you have a choice. You can either curse the pain or see it for what it is:

A sign of life.

…

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Do you know the story of the camel in the tent?

I’ve heard several variations, but here’s the gist of it:

A man is traveling across the desert on a camel. At night the man sleeps in a tent, while the camel sleeps outside. But one night, the camel asks if he can sleep in the tent.

“No,” says the man. “You’re a camel. Sleep outside.”

The camel looks at the man with his most pathetic puppy-dog eyes (or “baby-camel” eyes) and asks, “Well, if I can’t sleep in the tent, can I just stick in the tip of my toe?”

“Okay,” the man relents. “But just the tip of your toe.”

The next night, the same scene plays out, but this time the camel asks if he can stick his whole foot in the tent. Again, the man relents. The night after that, the camel asks to put one leg in the tent, and then two, and then…

Well, you can probably see where this is headed: before long, the camel is sleeping completely in the tent, and the man is pushed out and forced to sleep outside in the cold desert night.

What does this mean for you and me?

While there’s no single “right” interpretation, I can tell you some things that this story DOESN’T mean to me:

• It DOESN’T mean that you shouldn’t share. If you’re moved to share your tent–or anything else–by all means, do so with an open heart!
• It DOESN’T mean that everyone is out to take advantage of you and your good nature. I’m not a believer in the addage of “give ’em an inch, and they’ll take a mile.” In fact, I’ve found that when you give (in a healthy, balanced way) you tend to get back just as much or even more! (Maybe we should reword the saying: “Give an inch, and you’ll get a mile!”)
• It DOESN’T mean that you shouldn’t be kind to animals. I’ve been vegetarian since I was 16 years old, so I certainly advocate the humane treatment of camels (and other animals–including humans!)–but I still think the story makes a great metaphor!

In a word, here’s what I DO think this story is about:

BOUNDARIES

More specifically: setting healthy boundaries against everything that threatens to crowd you out of your own life.

(As the saying goes: When you say “yes” to others, make sure you’re not saying “no” to yourself!)

Do you ever feel crowded out of your own life?

Maybe, like the man in the story, you have a “camel in your tent”–something that starts off small and unobtrusive, but grows larger and larger, and takes up more and more of your time until there’s no room for YOU.

Or maybe it’s not just one thing. Maybe (like me) you have a whole bunch of small, medium, and large things–a camel’s “leg” here, a head there, a dozen feet… and they all combine to take up so much of your time and energy, that there’s nothing left for what’s really important to you: your own interests, your own passions, your own LIFE!

That’s where I’ve been for the last few weeks.

Last week, for the first time since I started this blog, I let a week go by without a new post. It’s not because I couldn’t think of anything (I’ve got dozens of ideas just waiting to be typed out) or because I didn’t feel like writing (I LOVE writing–it feels like coming home to me). It’s just that there were too many other things to do–projects, orders, insistent clients, and urgent deadlines.

And so I let them into my “tent”–one by one, until there was no room left for me. No room left for the things that make me me: writing, reading for pleasure, meditating, or just enjoying some totally unproductive chill-out time! There was simply no space in my life for any such “luxuries”–not with all of those camels squeezing in!

The Pros and Cons of Camels

Now, don’t get me wrong: I’m very grateful for all of these camels. After all, they’re carrying me across the desert! And I want to take care of them.

But I also know that if I don’t set aside some time that’s just for me, I’m going to resent those camels. Also, I’ll probably start wondering what’s the point in crossing the desert–or making any journey–if I can’t even get a moment of peace in my own tent!

Tent Time

 So, here it is: my “tent” time. For me, writing this post is like spending some time in my tent–no camels allowed! No making journals, no editing other people’s books, no responding to emails or reacting to any of the dozen-or-more fires that “need” to be put out right now. Just me, taking some time for myself–to recharge, to express myself, and to BE myself.

And that’s what I encourage each of us to do, no matter how full our lives get. Make time (and space) for YOU! By carving out even a little bit of time that’s just for you, you send a clear message:

I Matter!

When you take time that’s just for you, you tell yourself, others, and the universe, “My life is important.”

This doesn’t mean that your “camel” isn’t also important. It’s just not ALL-important.

Remember, boundaries are not rejections, and they’re not mean. They’re just a way of saying, “Not now, camel. We’ve spent a lot of time together today, and we’ll be together again tomorrow; but this is my time–and my tent!”

Also (not that you ever need to justify boundaries or self-care), you’ll be a much happier traveling companion (and a better worker, parent, friend, etc.) after you emerge from your “tent time”–feeling refreshed, recharged, and human.

In other words: feeling like the true YOU!

…

Is there a camel in YOUR tent? How can you set healthy boundaries to make sure that there’s enough room for YOU in your own life?

I’d love to hear from you–please leave a comment, or if you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it (with the buttons below, on Facebook, or in other ways). Thanks!

Camel photo copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

Welcome to my first-ever guest post! I am honored that my first guest blogger is none other than the sensational Jodi Chapman, author of Soul Speak. She is a wonderfully soulful writer, an inspiring human being, and a beautiful soul. (And I’d say that even if we weren’t married!)

For those of you who know her, you know that you’re always in for a treat when she shares part of her soul’s wisdom through her writing. For those of you who are just being introduced to her now, you’re in for an even bigger treat!

In this post, she writes about a topic near and dear to my heart: the importance of stories–especially the stories we tell ourselves (and, even more especially, the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves).

But I’ll let her tell her own story…

What’s Your Story?

by Jodi Chapman

I was watching Oprah’s Lifeclass the other night and author and speaker Iyanla Vanzant was talking about changing the stories that we tell ourselves.

Oftentimes these stories are true. They are parts of our life and parts of our past that happened. Yes, you have been hurt and mistreated and lied to and cheated on and stolen from and stepped on. Yes, your childhood was far from stellar and you weren’t treated as well as you should have been by your parents. Yes, you have had trouble speaking up for yourself and have been walked on by others because of that. Yes, your health isn’t great and you have battled one illness after the other. Yes, you lost a lot of money in the stock market when the economy tanked. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. These are all facts. No one is denying that.

But by staying in these stories, you’re staying in the past. By staying in these stories, you’re making it next to impossible to move on and create a new story. By staying in these stories, you’re deciding to remain a victim. I know that these are harsh words, but they are true. Believe me, I know. I have stayed in my own disempowering stories for years.

But what I’m realizing is that if we continue to blame the circumstances of our past, we never have to take responsibility for our present and future. Our life will always be more of the same. If you have always been that way, then you are giving yourself a way out – you’ll never have to step up and change, right? But I know that I want to change, and I suspect that you do as well. Staying stuck in these stories is keeping us from moving forward into our dream lives – the lives that we feel we were born to live.

One thing that I find particularly fascinating about our stories is that we’ve carried them around for so long that we just assume they are our own. And yet, oftentimes they aren’t ours at all. They have been handed down in our family or given to us by society or projected onto us from someone who didn’t realize what they were doing – didn’t realize how impressionable we were and how powerful words can be.

If we dissected each story that we tell ourselves and others, we could begin to see where it came from.

Oftentimes these stories are passed down from generation to generation:

• “In our family, we don’t go to college. We are hard workers, but we aren’t book smart.”
• “In our family, we are prone to depression. It’s just in our genes.”

Sometimes we have unspoken stories in our family that are just beneath the surface:

• “It’s not okay to show emotions. If we are upset, it’s better to stuff it down and deny feeling this way.”
• “Money doesn’t come easily. We have to struggle to have it, and even then it slips through our fingers.”

Other times, someone told you a story when you were a child, and you accepted it as your own:

• “You’re not very smart. Learning is hard for you. You probably won’t get very far in life.”
• “You’re very frail and sickly. You’re going to have a hard life just trying to stay healthy.”

Sometimes, our stories come from society:

• “The world is a violent place – no one can be trusted.”
• “The recession is making it hard for anyone to get by and prosper.”
• “The chances of making a living from your business are slim to none. It’s better to play it safe and go get a ‘real’ job.”

And sometimes, our stories come from a small part of ourselves that is afraid of change – afraid to fly toward our dreams:

• “Change is hard. It’s better to just stay in this comfortable place – even if I am not completely happy because who knows what will happen if I leave the known.”
• “I am not really worthy of much – why do I even bother trying?”
• “I am too shy to take the stage – even if I have a message to share, it’s just too much of a stretch. And who would want to hear me talk anyway?”

Sometimes our stories are events that happened to us:

• We were abused.
• We were fired.
• We have/had a serious illness.

Sometimes our stories are made up from our behaviors:

• We are afraid of commitment.
• We are super emotional.
• We are scatterbrained.

But what every single story has in common is the fact that we can let go of it if we choose to. We don’t have to carry these stories around any longer. We can decide to create new stories that we tell ourselves and share with the world. And we can decide that right now.

I have decided to change my story.

These are some of the stories that I have repeated throughout my life:

I am shy. I have extreme stage fright. I don’t push through fears. I say no when I am given the opportunity to shine. My body is fragile. I am not able to physically do what most people can do. I have to treat myself with kid gloves a lot of the time. Money doesn’t come easily to me. I feel strange accepting money for sharing my gifts. You have to work hard and struggle to achieve in life.

I have begun to form my new story. Here is what I have so far:

I am grateful to be a part of this beautiful world. Everything flows easily to me and from me, including love, money, health, and happiness. I embrace every way that I can share my message with others, and I know that I am always supported by the universe each and every time I step into the public arena. I am strong – body, mind, and spirit. And I am always loved.

Now it’s your turn.

Write down the story that you’ve been telling yourself and others.

And then write down your new story. Your empowering, positive, uplifting, story. The one that you will feel proud to share. And then come back and share it with us. We’re all waiting to hear it. 🙂

…

Jodi Chapman is the author of the inspirational blog, Soul Speak; the upcoming book, Coming Back to Life: How an Unlikely Friend Helped Me Reclaim My True Spirit; and the bestselling Soulful Journals series, co-authored with her amazing husband, Dan Teck. She would love to connect on Facebook and Twitter. Click here to receive her free ebook: Journaling from the Soul – 100 Prompts for Self Exploration.

If you enjoyed this post, please help spread the love by sharing it on Facebook and Twitter (buttons below). Thank you!

 
(book photo credit: Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos)

Let’s try a thought experiment…

Imagine that you’re approaching the end of your life.

You look back upon your long, mostly happy life. You remember many joyful moments, but you also have some regrets. As you reflect upon all of this, you say:

If only…

• If only I had taken that chance.
• If only I had expressed my true feelings.
• If only I had followed my heart.
• If only I had __________ .

You also find yourself saying:

What I wouldn’t give to __________ one more time.

You think of everything–big and little–that you’d love to experience again:

• What I wouldn’t give to see the person I love most just one more time.
• What I wouldn’t give to swim in the ocean–to feel the power of the waves and the warmth of the sun–just one more time.
• What I wouldn’t give to hear my favorite song just one more time.
• What I wouldn’t give to spend one more day with my best friends.
• What I wouldn’t give to sit in the grass and listen to the birds one more time.
• What I wouldn’t give to _________ just one more time.

Your list goes on and on and on, as you think of all the things you’d love to do…if only you had a second chance.

But then something miraculous occurs:

A genie appears. He tells you that you ARE getting a second chance! You CAN go back and make different choices–including doing some of the things from your “if only” list. You can also go back and savor many of the joys you remembered so fondly.

There are only 3 rules:

1. The genie can only affect YOU — no bringing back the dead or changing other people’s lives.
2. The genie chooses what age you’ll return to — rather than send you all the way back to childhood, he picks an age when you were mature enough to make important decisions and young enough to carry them out.
3. No more do-overs! — no third (or fourth or fifth) chances–this is it!

You agree to the rules and agree to be transported back to an earlier time in your life–a pivotal moment when your choices and actions could REALLY impact the whole of your life.

The genie claps his hands, and it happens…

All of a sudden, here you are–years younger, able to live again with the benefit of your lifetime of experience. Able to learn from mistakes. Wise enough to follow your heart, to preempt regret, to savor every precious moment, no matter how big or small, significant or “mundane”–because you now know that nothing is “mundane”!

This opportunity is truly a miracle!

Now the question becomes:

What are you going to do with your second chance?

• Will you cherish the people dear to you, not taking your time with them for granted?
• Will you gain a new appreciation for the little details of life that you barely used to notice?
• Will you follow your heart and pursue your dreams, even if it’s scary?
• Will you see every moment as a miracle?
• Will you express your authentic self and live your true life?
• Or will you live the same way you lived the first time around, and end up with the same regrets?

Only you can know. Only you can make the most of this miraculous opportunity, this second chance. Only you can live the life your heart wants you to live this time around!

The miracle has already happened. The rest is up to you.

…

So, what ARE you going to do with your “second chance”? How will your life be different this time–in terms of external actions and/or internal experience? I’d love to hear your comments. And, if you enjoyed this post and want to hear your friends’ reactions, please feel free to share this (by clicking the buttons below–or word of mouth or any other way). Thanks!

This month, I’m finally getting organized!

I’m tired of being buried in paperwork, wasting time looking for things, and worrying about important information slipping through the cracks. So, for July (and, if it works, beyond) I’ve committed to trying a system based loosely on David Allen’s “Getting Things Done.”

Don’t worry–I’m not going to bore you with the details of how I utilize weekly planners or label manilla folders! This isn’t that kind of blog post! (I don’t find that stuff particularly interesting, and I doubt that you would either).

What I did find interesting, however, was noticing my immediate knee-jerk reaction while considering the system:

I’m just not an organized guy!

I’ve always been messy. I’ve never stuck with organizational systems. I like to keep my important papers where they belong: on the floor!

Me? Organized? “No way!” a voice in my head half-yelled, half-laughed. “I’m not that kind of guy!”

But then another voice–a quieter one–popped into my mind, asking:

But what if I were?

And then it hit me: maybe I don’t see myself as disorganized because that’s how I’ve always been–maybe I’ve always been that way because that’s how I see myself.

In other words, maybe my limiting self-identity has kept me in this rut!

Who knows how or why this self-identity got started.

• Maybe when I was a kid I saw a poster that said, “A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind,” and thought it was funny.
• Maybe I saw a picture of Einstein’s paper-strewn office (see below) and thought that having papers everywhere made you a genius.
• Maybe I believed that artists, writers, and other creative types have to be disorganized. (I wouldn’t be a “real” writer if I had labeled, organized manilla folders, would I?)
• Maybe, for whatever reason, I decided that being messy was “cool”…or maybe it was just an excuse to get out of the tedious work of cleaning and filing.

But now, if I so choose (and I do!), I can just as easily re-identify myself as an organized guy–or anything else!

Einstein’s office on the day he died.

The importance of self-identity extends way beyond organizing (otherwise I probably wouldn’t bother writing a blog post about it). It touches everything we do, who we are, how we see ourselves, and how we live every day of our lives.

How do you identify yourself?

An ex-smoker once told me that the most important step he took to quit smoking wasn’t hypnosis or using the patch–it was defining himself as a non-smoker. If he got an urge to buy a pack of cigarettes, he stopped himself by saying, “Why would I want cigarettes? I’m a non-smoker!” If someone offered him a cigarette, he’d decline by saying, “No, thanks–I’m not a smoker.”

And, much to his amazement, he soon realized that he was telling the truth!

The Power of “I AM…”

Not only are the words “I am” incredibly powerful on their own–they also bestow power on whatever follows them. So when you complete sentences that begin with “I am…” make sure that you really want that sentence to be true–that you really want to be the person you define yourself as!

Limiting vs. Empowering Self-Identity

This power cuts both ways: You can limit yourself by identifying yourself as “disorganized” or by telling yourself (and others) things like “I’m not a ‘Finisher'”–self-assigned labels that keep you from reaching your potential.

Or you can identify yourself in ways that support your highest vision of who you want to be: organized, a non-smoker, a finisher…or anything else you want to be–and CAN be if you so choose!

Like a snake sheds its old skin, you can shed your old, limiting self-identity and let a new, more empowering one emerge–one that embodies your higher potential, the person you’re becoming right now!

Labels are Self-fulfilling Prophecies!

Remember: the labels you assign yourself (like the stories you tell yourself) are self-fulfilling prophecies, so why not fulfill prophecies you actually like?

This doesn’t mean you should lie (or even “fake it ’til you make it”)–just label yourself with identities you can believe in…and WANT to believe in!

Mr. Organized?

So, for me, I might not (yet) believe that I’m “Mr. Organized”–but I can and do believe that I’m becoming increasingly organized. So I’ll identify myself in ways that are honest AND support this vision: I am diligent. I am conscientious. I am sincerely open to change.

Maybe one day I’ll embrace “I am organized,” but for now you can call me by my newest label: “Mr. Getting Organized”!

…

How do you identify yourself? How have your self-assigned labels helped or hindered you? Are there any old labels–in any area(s) of your life–that you’d like to trade in for new ones? How would your life be different if these self-fulfilling prophecies came true?

It’s a peculiarly modern Catch-22: To Judge or Not to Judge?

Consider the two sides:

Person A: Can you believe what those bullies (and/or racists, bigots, gang members, etc.) did? How awful!

Person B: Hey, man–don’t judge! Who are YOU to say what’s “awful”? Everyone’s on their own path.

What would YOU say?

Would you judge like Person A, or would you agree with Person B that bullying isn’t bad (or good)–it simply is? No judgment, right? After all, judgment is bad!

Oh, wait–that’s a judgment! I shouldn’t judge! Oh, no! That was another judgment! I shouldn’t should. Now I’m doubly bad! Oh, no–there’s another judgment! (…etc.)

Sound familiar?

Have you ever heard or had a conversation like this (even if it was just within your own mind)? If so, you’ve probably realized that you can go round and round in circles–and drive yourself nuts–trying to rid yourself of a very natural and, I believe, oftentimes healthy response: judgment.

After all, what is judgment?

• Judgment = Thought + Opinion
• Judgment = Observation + Discernment
• Judgment = Preference

Judgment is having a sense (emotionally, logically, and/or intuitively) of what is most healthy, beneficial, or positive.

Judgment has many benefits:

• It can steer you toward your dreams. (“This is a better path for me.”)
• It can keep you safe. (“This place looks sketchy–let’s get out of here.”)
• It can help you surround yourself with people who support and nurture you. (“I get a better vibe from the second group of people–let’s hang out with them.”)

On the other hand, a lack of judgment can do just the opposite. Consider people about whom you might say, “He’s a poor judge of character” or “She doesn’t use good judgment”–they’re likely to hang around people who drag them down or even jeopardize their lives.

Yet in the personal-growth world, “judgment” is widely considered a “bad” word (logical inconsistency or not).

To be fair, this is probably a reaction to excessive moral condemnation, closed-mindedness, and a patronizing holier-than-thou attitude. (Remember Dana Carvey as SNL’s “Church Lady” who always deemed herself morally “superior”–and even had a special “Superior Dance” to celebrate it? It’s amusing on TV, but not so much in real life.)

However, the pendulum can swing so far back in the other direction that you beat yourself (and/or others) up just for having an opinion. If you feel yourself being too hard on yourself–judging yourself for judging–remember the upsides of judgment.

Judgment can make the world a better place!

Judgment is a perfectly sane reaction to insanity, and a compassionate reaction to cruelty. In fact, judging things as “bad” has led to some of the world’s most important breakthroughs, such as the abolition of slavery and the introduction of anti-abuse laws.

Judgment provides “clarity through contrast”!

One of my favorite concepts is “clarity through contrast”–which means that seeing (and even judging) things that you don’t like can help you clarify what you do like. (For instance, rude and/or bigoted people can remind you to surround yourself with considerate, tolerant people.)

The clearer you get about what you DO want, the more you can focus on those things and bring them into your life–and this process frequently starts with a sound judgment.

Judgment can show that you care!

When someone experiences a tragedy, such as the untimely loss of a loved one, it’s natural to feel (and say) that this is “awful” or “tragic.” Yes, this is a judgment, but wouldn’t it be pretty cold-hearted to say (or feel), “This is neither good nor bad–it simply is. No judgment.”?

So, should we all be more judgmental?

No, I’m not encouraging you to judge more–and certainly not to go around condemning everything and everyone you dislike. Remember, we each have a limited perspective and never know the whole story behind every situation. Besides, it’s no fun to spend your life fixating on everything that’s wrong with the world.

What I am suggesting is that we all go a bit easier on ourselves (and others) when we do make a judgment. It’s perfectly natural, healthy, and often helpful.

So, the next time you notice yourself making judgments, rather than trying to figure out whether your judgments are good or bad, you can simply notice them and say, “Thank you for this perspective–I value your opinion”–without making any judgment.

(But, if you do, that’s OK, too.)

…

Do you ever find yourself judging your own judgment? Could you be easier on yourself (and/or others) for this? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments…and maybe even judgments! 🙂

I left at noon for a six o’clock flight, and the airport was only two hours away. I had plenty of time.

But I also had a car-load of six-year-olds. And making this flight, which was so important to me, did not rank particularly high on any of their priority lists.

We hadn’t even been on the road for five minutes when they made it clear that their agendas were very different from my own: “Let’s stop for ice cream!” one of them shouted from the back seat.

OK, I thought. What’s the harm? After all, we’ve got plenty of time.

So I pulled over at the next rest stop and got them all ice cream.

Ten minutes later, after they’d finished eating, I rounded everyone up, loaded them back into the car, and got back on the road–still on pace to reach the airport with time to spare.

No sooner were we back on the highway, however, than one of the kids urgently called out, “I have to pee!”

“Why didn’t you go when we were at the rest stop?” I asked.

“I didn’t have to go then,” he said.

Well, it’s not the kid’s fault, I figured. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. So, once again, I pulled off at the nearest rest stop.

This time it took a little longer to get everyone rounded up again. Some of the kids had wandered into the gift shop, a couple of others were investigating the truckers’ lounge, and another one was getting change for a dollar in order to use a coin-operated scale (which had suddenly become of utmost importance to him).

But after about 20 minutes we were all back in the car again, buckled in, and heading back out onto the road–still on schedule, but without as much extra time as we’d had before.

No sooner were we back on the highway, however, when (you guessed it) the kids’ demands started up again: “I’m hungry!” one of them said. “Yeah, me too!” another one chimed in. “Let’s stop for French fries!”

I glanced nervously at my watch. “I don’t know,” I said. “We’ve still got a long way to go, and we’ve barely–”

“We want French fries!” a third kid yelled, cutting me off mid-sentence. The others took up the rallying cry:  “We want French fries! We want French fries!”

“I know you do,” I said, “but we just don’t–”

“FRENCH FRIES! FRENCH FRIES! FRENCH FRIES!”

“OK! Fine!” I yelled. “We’ll get French fries, but this has to be the last stop, OK?”

Maybe this will finally appease them, I thought. And although my head knew better, my hands turned the wheel and pulled off at yet another rest stop.

Sure enough, rather than putting a stop to the kids’ demands, the French fries merely emboldened them. No sooner were we back in the car when one of them insisted that we stop at an arcade. Someone else wanted to pull over at a scenic viewpoint to take pictures. And another of them complained of stiff legs and just wanted to get out and stretch.

I didn’t want to disappoint the kids or appear unsympathetic, but it was getting late. Yes, there was still time to make the flight, but we couldn’t afford any further delays. “I’m sorry, guys,” I said. “We’ve really gotta plow through or we’ll miss the plane.”

At this point, outrage turned to mutiny.

The kid in the passenger’s seat grabbed the steering wheel and yanked it hard to the right.

“Hey, get off of that!” I shouted, slamming on the brakes. I narrowly avoided hitting several other cars as I skidded to a stop in the shoulder. “Are you crazy?!” I yelled. “You could’ve gotten us–”

But before I could finish my words, one of the kids in the back seat reached up and gagged me with a bandana. Meanwhile, four others managed to bind my hands and feet with their shoelaces and pushed me into the back seat. After they’d securely tied me to the headrest, they all piled into the front and somehow managed to drive–one of them steering, another one working the pedals.

They hooted and hollered as they pulled back into traffic, made their way sporadically down the highway, and pulled off for extended breaks and impromptu excursions at every imaginable detour.

Bound, gagged, and utterly helpless in the back seat, I reflected on this bizarre turn of events and realized one thing with utter certainty:

I was never going to make that flight.

Crazy story, right? Well here’s the craziest part of all: It’s all true!

This has happened to me–not just once, but MANY times!

Maybe not in a literal sense, but in every important way:

• I’ve set out with a very clear destination in mind–something that was extremely important to me.
• I’ve allowed myself plenty of time to comfortably reach my goal.
• I’ve given in to little voices urging me to veer off course–rationalizing the detours by telling myself that they were important or that it was “just this once.”
• I learned (the hard way) that giving in to the little voices merely strengthened them, until eventually they were calling the shots, running the show, and “driving the car.”
• And, saddest of all, I never did reach my intended destination.

Sound familiar?

Get in touch with your inner adult.

I know that it’s important to express your inner child–to play, to create, to explore, and to be spontaneous. I also know that there’s a fine line between between spontaneity and A.D.D.

Left unchecked, those little chatty, demanding voices in your head can lead you away from the plans that are vitally important to you, the goals that give your life beauty and help you fulfill your higher purpose. And it’s simply impossible to reach your goals if you follow every little impulse, whim, or flight of fancy that might cross your mind.

(Joni Mitchell has a great song about a black crow who’s always “diving down to pick up on every shiny thing.” I’m sure that, like the singer, we all feel like that flighty bird from time to time.)

Yes, it is natural to have thoughts, desires, and urges to veer off course–to pursue shiny, alluring possibilities. And yes, some detours might actually turn out to be valuable and worthwhile. But here’s the key:

YOU have to stay in the driver’s seat!

Just like letting six-year-olds drive your car, leaving your destiny in the hands of momentary whims can be disasterous and even tragic. Even if you don’t have a wreck, it’s very unlikely that you’ll reach your destination.

So, the next time you’re on course, moving confidently in the direction of your dreams, beware of those little voices that pop up and say things like:

• Maybe I should check my email (and/or Facebook and/or Twitter and/or Yankees.com, etc.) again.
• I feel like a snack.
• I wonder what’s on TV.
• …(insert your distraction of choice).

Sure, it’s fine to check your email or watch TV, and we all need to eat (plus, you know what they say about “all work and no play”). But before you take a detour, ask yourself who’s in the driver’s seat.

So, when those inner six-year-olds start making demands, you have two options: either give in to their every whim, or simply tell them, “Thank you for your input. I hear you, and I’ll consider what you have to say. But I’m the adult here, and I will decide what to do and what not to do.” In other words:

Listen to your inner children, but let your inner adult do the driving.

…

How do your inner six-year-olds show up in your life? How do you prevent them from “taking the wheel”? I’d love to hear from you–please feel free to leave a comment!

P.S. If you enjoyed this post, please share it by clicking the buttons below. Thanks!

(WARNING: Extreme sappiness ahead…)

Jodi and I just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary, and we’re more in love than ever! But no matter how much our love grows and deepens, our wedding day will always be one of the most special days of our lives.

We spent over a year planning it, making sure that every detail represented us and our love–from the setting (a mountaintop outside of our house in Jemez Pueblo, NM) to our wedding “cake” (actually a pie, which we prefer) and of course the song playing while we walked down the aisle: “Never Saw Blue Like That” by Shawn Colvin.

Besides being a beautiful song musically, the lyrics fit perfectly: describing the feeling of falling in love and how it makes the whole world come alive and shine more brightly, and how it feels like coming home–exactly how I feel about Jodi!

While I love all of the song’s lyrics, I think my favorite lines are:

“And even now, I’m so amazed
It’s like a dream, it’s like a rainbow,
It’s like the rain.”

I especially love the words, “It’s like the rain.”

Pretty much everyone recognizes that dreams and rainbows are special–magical, fleeting, elusive flashes of beauty. But so often we take for granted the everyday miracles, such as rain.

But if you take even a moment to contemplate this amazing phenomenon, you’ll see that it’s nothing short of miraculous: Rain falls from the sky, nurturing plants and all living things, providing drinking water that we require (since most of our body is water)–and then it becomes invisible, gets cleansed, and floats back into the sky where it forms beautiful clouds. And then the cycle begins again.

Talk about a mind-boggling miracle!

Yet, perhaps because it’s an everyday “mundane” occurance, we often fail to see the magic in something as common as rain.

How often do you take time to appreciate everyday miracles in your life?

Aside from rain, what are other everyday miracles in your life?

• Other natural phenomena, such as the rising and setting of the sun.
• The miracle of your body–with all of its complex physical functions, intellectual capacity, and emotional sensitivity.
• Love and friendship.
• Life itself.

Just because these (and so many other everyday miracles) aren’t rare doesn’t make them any less valuable, precious, and worthy of appreciation.

Rainbows and Rain

Yes, it’s very nice to have “rainbows”–those special moments of rare, fleeting beauty: weddings, anniversaries, major life accomplishments, and other significant moments of celebration.

But what makes up most of life–and makes it so special–is the “rain,” the everyday miracles: a hug, a conversation that helps you feel understood and supported, a sunset, the very act of breathing in and out, giving love and feeling loved in return.

I know that, thanks to the wonderful woman who shares my life, I will never stop appreciating these everyday miracles…every day.

…

What are some of your favorite everyday miracles? How do you appreciate them? Maybe your comment will help others to appreciate the everyday miracles in their lives as well!

P.S. Don’t we have a beautiful flower girl (our “dog-ter” Xena)?

I recently heard a powerful, thought-provoking question:

What if Martin Luther King had given his “I Have a Dream” speech to an empty room?

The question (posed by blogger Jon Morrow) was asked rhetorically, but the literal answer is: Nothing would have happened!

Certainly, the following things would not have happened if King had spoken to an empty room:

• His speech would not have been a pivotal moment in the civil rights movement.
• It would not have helped increase the amount of equality, dignity, and understanding in the country (and beyond).
• It would not have changed the world.
• And we certainly would not still be talking about it today, over half a century later.

The point here is pretty clear:

If you don’t share your message with the world, it won’t do the world a bit of good!

Jon’s question made me realize that not sharing your gifts is the equivalent of not having any gifts at all! It also sent my brain spiraling into a string of variations and spin-off questions, starting with:

What if King had given his speech in front of a small group of friends?

I imagined Dr. King standing in his living room, expounding on his dream to his friends and family. Yes, they might have felt inspired. They might have told him how much they agreed with him. They might have wondered why he was using his “outside” voice in the living room.

But again, this scenario would have had little to no impact on the world at large—certainly not even a tiny fraction of the impact that King’s words actually had when they were spoken to over 200,000 people (and subsequently heard by millions).

I also couldn’t help but think of different “what-if” examples:

• What if Gandhi never shared his dream of peace and freedom?
• What if Shakespeare had never shown Hamlet to anyone?
• What if Steve Jobs had kept his ideas to himself?
• What if Picasso had locked his paintings in a trunk or destroyed them before anyone else could see them?
• What if Bob Dylan only played his songs for himself, never recording or performing in public?
• (Insert your own what-if examples…)

As I considered these and other possibilities, the really horrible realization dawned on me:

All of this (and worse) IS happening right now!

Or “isn’t happening,” I should say.

Undoubtedly, at this very moment there are geniuses and visionaries all around the world who, for one reason or another, are not sharing their gifts, talents, and messages. Just imagine the countless ways in which the world is being deprived:

• We’re deprived of inventions that could create clean energy, help feed the hungry, and improve the quality of life for millions…all because an otherwise brilliant inventor did not share their ideas.
• We’re deprived of great art that could touch millions of hearts…all because a creative genius was too scared to share their creations.
• We’re deprived of inspiring messages that could uplift humanity and fill millions of people with hope…all because someone didn’t take the necessary steps to get their words out of their head and into the world.

Why don’t people share their gifts and messages?

Maybe some people don’t want to be seen as promoting themselves or “tooting their own horn.” Maybe they were taught to be modest, to play it safe, to play it small. Maybe they believe that seeking publicity is arrogant and egotistical. Maybe they just think that marketing is beneath them or that it’s not “pure” or “spiritual” or (and don’t discount this one)…“cool”!

Think this doesn’t apply to you?

Maybe you feel like you don’t have an “I Have a Dream” speech within you. To this I say two things:

1. You’re right! You don’t! You have something new and different! (The world’s already heard that speech. Now we’re ready for yours!)
2. It doesn’t matter! Even if your gift and your message isn’t destined to alter the course of human history, it can still positively affect hundreds, thousands, or perhaps even millions. Why deprive those people of the positive impact you might have on their lives? (And who knows what kind of ripple effect even an initially small impact might have over time?)

As John Lennon said:

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.”

When you don’t share a dream (or a gift, a talent, or a message) it dies with you. When you do share it, it takes on a life of its own and lives forever.

By sharing his dream, Martin Luther King (like John Lennon and countless others) made his dream a reality.

I hope you’ll do the same.

…
What are your dreams, messages, or gifts? How can you share them with more people? What would the world lose if you didn’t…and what would we gain if you did?

P.S. Thanks again to Jon Morrow for ispiring this post! If you don’t know Jon, he’s a giant in the blogging world and a truly inspirational individual with an amazing personal story. Also, thanks to the phenomenal Mary Jaksch.

P.P.S. The dream lives on…